The TAHITI project
by SadCreeper
Summary: A humorous, drama that follows Coulson from Thor and into the series. Explains the origins/termination of the TAHITI project, Jasper Sitwell's betrayal and why Phil never resigned despite the resignation video in the series. Includes Fury, Sitwell, Barton, Romanov, Audrey and 2 TAHITI patients. Confusing if you haven't seen the Movies/TV series. Adult situations and swearing.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Jasper Sitwell lies down lengthwise along the back seat of the Suburban. He closes his eyes and lets out a contented sigh. It had been a long month and the Agent was happy to be headed home. He slides on a pair of headphones and lets the melody to _Moondance_ fill his senses as the SUV drifts through the New Mexico dessert.

"It's a marvelous night to make romance" Jasper finds himself singing along to the lyrics "Beneath the cover of October sky…" suddenly, Jasper feels something briefly tap his genitals and his jovial reverie is immediately ceased. Sitwell lets out an undignified yelp, closes his legs and instinctively holds his hands over his crotch.

"Ball tap!" exclaims Clint Barton who swiftly removes his hand from the stunned agent's groin. Sitwell stares at Barton with an angry grimace and the Archer simply returns a cocky grin from his place in the front passenger seat.

"Dammit Barton" Sitwell yells while pulling off his headphones "I don't care what twisted games you played as a kid, tapping another man on the nuts isn't cool."

"I told you to stop singing or I was going to smack you in the balls!" Barton responds firmly "I guess we both don't listen"

"I put on headphones Asshole" he countered angrily

"You were still singing…and you're ruining Van Morrison for me"

"Shut up both of you!" interjected Phil Coulson from his place in the driver's seat. Coulson gripped the steering wheels with white knuckles and a vein protruded dangerously from the side of his neck. The two junior agents had been arguing about one thing or another for the last three hours and it was starting to fray his already jagged nerves. "You're both driving me nuts." He said between clenched teeth. "Seriously Barton, I don't care how bad Agent Sitwell's singing is. You can't just tap him on the balls. That's really…just…" Coulson struggles for the right words "It's just not okay." he tone is incredulous "and Jasper you are the worst singer in the world. There is literally no singer worse than you and if you both don't stop I'll put you on the desk for three weeks."

A silence settles over the three men. It wasn't uncommon to receive a threat from Coulson. Usually the threats were empty like: laser spine removal, Chinese water torture, or the like; but desk duty was reasonable and a reasonable threat meant that Coulson was truly losing his patience. Barton (who could never really help himself) breaks the silence, in spite of the looming threat of additional paper work.

"Maybe if you'd let me finish out my vacation time I wouldn't be tapping guys in the balls right…"

"DAMMIT BARTON!" Coulson was actually yelling. Coulson never yelled "Are you kidding me with this again. I told you it couldn't be helped." Coulson slammed on the breaks and the two unsuspecting passengers were thrown forward in their seats.

"Hey! Come on Boss!" whined Sitwell who was thrown awkwardly into the back of the front seats. "I'm not wearing a seatbelt."

"Well then put on your damn seatbelt and sit like a normal human being" Coulson starts "and Barton" The older man now stares at the archer seated to his right "We've all sacrificed vacation time. If you don't like the job then go work for an insurance company or something. You've been acting like a brat for the last three and a half weeks and I can't take it anymore"

Clint had been pulled off a two week vacation in the Bahamas just after the halfway mark. Coulson had been content to let the younger man finish his R&amp;R but Fury had insisted that he be there. Barton showed up thoroughly pissed-off, about two days after they found (what they now know to be) Mjolnir and the Archer hadn't stopped brooding since.

"You wouldn't understand Sir. Do you even request vacation time? We're not all robots. Some of us need some _me_ time."

"Do I ever request vacation time?" Coulson repeats the question incredulously "Are you kidding me? I ask for vacation time every year and in the last six years I've only completed one. You wanna know why?"

Clint pauses for a minute because he isn't going to ask the old man a question he clearly wants asked, so instead of asking "why?" he asks…

"You put in for a vacation?" the archer presses with a doubtful tone "When?"

"Last year I was in Madrid with Audrey and I had to leave because you pissed off the Polish ambassador and every member of his staff."

"Well I didn't know you were…" Clint starts but is cut off

"The year before that I was in Japan when you burned down that Moroccan oil refinery"

"There was no other way to get the…." Clint is again interrupted

"The year before that I actually completed my vacation, but the year before that I had to bail you and Natasha out of prison in Nicaragua"

Clint opens his mouth to protest but quickly closes it, recognizing that if he speaks again, Coulson will likely interrupt him with yet another example of a vacation lost on Clint's behalf. The older man stares at him for a beat daring him to continue. After the Archer makes no attempt to speak, Coulson starts the car back up. Meanwhile, in the back seat, Sitwell giggles like a school girl.

"You shut up," Coulson points at Sitwell without taking his eyes off the road "or do I need to remind you why I didn't even make it to the airport for my vacation in 2001.

Clint raises an eyebrow when Sitwell's laughter stops abruptly. The Agent in the back seat clears his throat awkwardly, sits up and puts on his seatbelt obediently.

The Suburban is again filled with silence. Clint regards their driver with concern. Phil is a master at training and handling bratty, querulous young Agents. He and Sitwell's constant bickering is par-for-the-course. On countless other missions their antics have been met with equal parts annoyance and amusement but now there is a level of genuine tension in the older man that leads the archer to believe something else is bothering his handler.

"I'm sorry for the cold shoulder this month boss" Clint says in a tone he hopes sounds conciliatory "and honestly I didn't even know you were on vacation most those times. You never said anything about it." Clint offers. Coulson just sighs.

"well…I am sorry you didn't get to finish your vacation. I don't enjoy doing that." Admitted Coulson  
"and I never told you about the vacations I missed because that's just part of the job" the elder man smirks before adding "especially when your asset is a high maintenance diva."

"Aww boss" Clint returns sarcastically "That's a terrible thing to say about Jasper."

"Ha ha" Jasper leans forward as he speaks and pokes his head between the two front seats "Although I think the comparison between Hawk and a Diva is a decent one Sir. We should change his name from Hawkeye to Queen Bey"

"Queen Bey?" Coulson asks with confusion evident in his face and tone.

"You know like Beyonce" offers Sitwell "Maybe we could combine the names like Beyonc-eye or Hawk-ce"

"Don't make me ball-tap you again Sitwell" adds Clint with mock anger.

"Why do you think I'm leaning forward Mariah Scary! The jewels are well guarded by this center console." Jasper smiles contentedly until Clint plants a palm on Sitwell's forehead and pushes him backward against the seat. Sitwell flips the bird and leans back in his seat.

"Seriously Phil," Clint didn't usually address his superior by his first name but this seemed like an occasion that warranted it "is everything okay? I know I've been an ass for the last few weeks. I mean I know…."

"Its fine" Phil interrupts his subordinate. He looks over at Clint with a half-smile and sighs when he sees the younger man isn't buying it. "I might be in some trouble with Fury, but it will be fine."

"What happened?" asks Clint "I mean if you don't mind my asking."

Coulson stares back at the younger man as if contemplating whether or not he should be having this discussion. Eventually the senior agent relents.

"Did you hear that Stark escaped SHIELD custody? We were supposed to keep him under house arrest."

"Yeah" Clint answers simply. Then the archer's eyebrows contort upward in realization "You were supposed to be babysitting him weren't you? He escaped on your watch?"

"Yes" Coulson grunts "I didn't do my job and now I've got to take my lumps. It's no big deal but Fury is going to be pissed and I'm not looking forward to it."

"Yeah but I mean, what happened? How did he get out?" pressed Clint.

"I was at Stark Tower when we started getting readings in New Mexico. I advised Fury that we should focus on New Mexico and stop worrying about Stark. We had no real authority to detain him anyways and unless we were prepared to use Physical force… well let's just say that Tony Stark is going to do whatever Tony Stark wants to do. Why waste resources and personnel…" Clint works out the remainder of the scenario before Coulson can finish.

"so… Fury told you to stay in New York and forget New Mexico and….holy crap…I can't believe this is happening" Clint sputters with excitement "you disobeyed his orders and kept researching New Mexico and Stark just meandered out the front door while you were doing something Fury ordered you to ignore. Holy crap Boss that so incredibly _me _of you" Barton smiles like the cat that ate the canary. "You just did what you wanted instead of what you were told!" Clint laughs ferociously. In the rearview mirror Coulson can see Jasper smirking.

"I never ignore orders because I want too Barton" Coulson says firmly "and frankly, neither do you." the sudden change in tone causes both junior agents to stop smiling "I know you like to think of yourself as some kind of loose-cannon archetype Clint but you're a better man than that. I can think of two occasions where you have truly disobeyed orders and both decisions were made based on a higher moral consideration of right and wrong." Coulson sighs remembering the friction caused by the incidents "No one should ever take insubordination lightly. You didn't and in the end it's the reason you are still a SHIELD agent." Coulson paused "but convincing me that you were justified in your actions wasn't a high point in our relationship and now I am about to face that same conflict with my boss, whom I love and respect every bit as much as I love and respect the two of you. So it's not something I am looking forward to."

Barton was certain the older man hadn't intended the example to serve as a compliment but Clint still swelled with pride at the kind words and there was a tension in his heart and his tear ducts that he pushed away before it could physically manifest itself.

When Clint was a new Agent, he risked his life in a lot of stupid ways in an effort to make up for the lives he'd destroyed. After his first few brushes with death he remembered Coulson pulled him aside. Or rather the older man threw him against a wall.

_"I didn't bring you here so you could commit suicide." Coulson was seething with anger "You listen to me, you stupid prick. The decent man you are now is the man you've always been, you just needed the opportunity to make the right decision. But if I cannot cure you of this obsessive need for penance then know this. You can't atone for your sins if you're dead. If you kill yourself doing something stupid I will never forgive myself for bringing you here. It's hard enough watching Agents die for a good cause. I will not watch one die for no reason at all. You pull a stunt like that again and I will send you away you understand me?" _He hated hearing Coulson call him a good man because _what did he know?_ He also loved hearing Coulson call him a good man, because the old man knew quite a bit.

Now with one inadvertent compliment Clint is reminded why there are dozens of SHIELD agents who would follow Coulson to hell and back. Clint doesn't think the senior Agent is fully aware of this fact.

"Well boss," Clint finally speaks after he pushes away his emptions "dropping the ball on New Mexico would have been a mistake. I'm guessing with all the Intel we're bringing back, Fury isn't going to be stupid enough to argue." Clint scratches his head nervously before adding "but you're right. It's never fun to disobey an order" Barton stares at the driver earnestly. Coulson offers Clint a half-smile in lieu of verbal gratitude.

Clint and Jasper find it within themselves to keep the bickering to a minimum for the rest of the trip.


	2. Chapter 2

The doors to Director Fury's office haven't seemed this foreboding since Coulson was a new Agent.

"The Director will see you now" Fury's newest Clerk announces. The Director cycles through Aides like most men cycle through neckties. This newest assistant is a doe-eyed, dark skinned, broad-shouldered, young Agent who looks like he's a week out of the academy. _Poor kid doesn't have a chance _Phil muses.

"Thanks" Coulson replies in gratitude as he hefts himself up from the comfy waiting room sofa and pushes open the large oak door to the Director's office. Fury stands expectantly behind his pristine glass desk, his good eye tracks Coulson as he approaches.

"Take a seat" the Director gestures to an open chair and both men sit on opposite sides of the desk. The two men stare at each other tensely for a beat.

"Sir, about Stark…" Coulson begins

"Forget about Stark." Fury interrupts "at least for now. I have something more important for you."

Coulson's raises his eyebrows in genuine surprise.

"Okay" Coulson's asks "what is it?"

"This" the director responds simply and picks up a remote control from his desk. A television screen positioned on the wall behind Fury blinks to life.

On the screen, an Asian male in his thirties wearing purple latex gloves and a lab coat backs away from a newly activated video camera. He stands behind an unknown patient on a gurney. The apparent doctor begins to speak efficiently and clinically.

"Number two is a Caucasian male or Arab decent, 24 years old. Place of birth, Haditha, Iraq. No known preexisting medical conditions, however it's worth noting that there are no medical records for patient two. He did not receive regular medical care after 2002 and his previous medical records were destroyed after the American Invasion."

The patient, (number two evidently) stares wide eyed at the ceiling and chants something in a voice so quiet and raspy that Coulson can't hear the words.

"Number two was caught in the blast radius of an Improvised Explosive Device or IED which resulted in multiple injuries." The doctor begins "COD was exsanguination due to arterial bleeding but the patient suffered extensive organ and tissue damage which would have led to death even if the patient's femoral artery had remained intact. Number two was injected several days after TOD. As a result of post mortem decay and the poor condition of internal organs, number two required extensive surgical intervention to sustain life after the injection of GH-325." The doctor's inflection changes on the next statement "The patient has begun to exhibit the same signs of mental degradation observed in number one. This side effect is likely PTSD caused by the painful post-injection surgical process which can't be abated by sedatives as a result of their negative pharmaceutical interaction with GH-325. In order to minimize the need for a surgical intervention all future candidates should be limited to those with minimal physical trauma. In addition; the injection of GH-325 should take place within moments of clinical death. This is Doctor Richard Vuong reporting on patient number two, March 14, 2011 at 18:32 hours." Doctor Vuong reaches for what Coulson assumes is the camera's off-button before adding "This concludes my report" then the screen goes blank.

Coulson sits silently in his chair gripping the arm rests firmly. He tries and fails to work out what he'd just heard.

"What the hell was that?" he asks stunned.

"Something happened while you were in New Mexico."

"Clearly." Interjects Coulson

"I want you to oversee a project for me." The director states evenly.

"What project? And what the hell was that?" he repeats

"While you were gone Agent Hand conducted a raid on an AIM facility where experiments were being conducted. It came up suddenly, I gave her the go ahead and this is what we found. The occupants destroyed most of the research before we could get to it but we managed to recover a few tapes, one of which I've just showed you. We also recovered the GH-325 serum that Doctor Vuong was referring to as well as the… umm…" Fury rotates his right hand forward in a spinning motion as though it's a machine that can somehow produce the right words for him "the ….source of the drug."

"The source of the drug?" repeats Coulson as he stands and begins pacing rapidly in front of Fury's desk.

"Yup, uh huh" Fury scratches his forehead suddenly nervous

"What is the source of the drug?" Coulson can't control the pitch of his voice "And did that guy just say what I think he did? Because I'm no doctor, but it sounded like he was describing a patient that was dead but is now somehow…not dead…."

"Agent Coulson…." Fury attempts to cut into the diatribe.

"Which is, of course, ridiculous" Coulson continues as though his boss hadn't spoken "because you can't bring people back from the dead."

"Phil!" Fury yells and this time the talking stops. Phil looks at his boss and shakes his head. Fury sighs.

"The source of the drug is alien DNA." Nick pauses to let the information sink in and Phil for his part barely moves.

"What…" The Agent's tone is staccato. Fury just holds up a hand.

"I need you to determine if this drug can be used safely and effectively because in spite of that footage the potential for good is too great to overlook."

"Alien DNA?"

"Yes" the director responds coolly.

"We have alien DNA?"

"Yes, in fact we have an Alien corpse in a lab downstairs"

"Jesus Christ." Phil yelps and then quickly covers his mouth because even years after her death he still expects his mother to slap him upside the head every time he takes the Lord's name in vain.

"I leave for a month and suddenly we are hoarding Alien corpses and running medical experiments?" Phil pauses and his face contorts as though he just realized something "you want someone, namely me, to run medical experiments even though I have zero medical experience?"

"I don't want you to run the experiments. I want you to manage them. You'll have a very competent doctor with you."

"Since when do we run medical experiments?" Phil interrupts

"Since we have in our possession, a drug that could potentially cure a mortally wounded Agent." responds Fury.

"Great then hand it over to the CDC." Suggests Phil flippantly

"The CDC is American. Why would we hand it over to one country." Responds Fury

"The World Health Organization then, we're not set up to preform medical experiments."

"Are you kidding me? We recruit and train the best scientists and engineers in the world." Fury sneers "We're better equipped than any other Global institution and even if we weren't it is certainly within SHIELD's preview to protect people from the knowledge that there is dead alien in our basement that might be able to bring back people from the dead. I don't have to tell you the kind of damage that knowledge could do." Fury pauses "I just told you, and look at you." Fury gestures towards Phil "I do declare, you look positively peaked" In a rare slip of character, Fury attempts a southern accent "…and you are a trained SHIELD agent already aware of the existence of aliens."

Fury can see the initial shock and confusion draining out of his subordinate and being replaced with weary acceptance. Coulson eventually sits. He looks back at his boss with a tired half smile on his face.

"Your southern Bell impersonation could use some work." Coulson says sarcastically.

Fury returns the smirk as he stands. The older man grabs two glasses and fills them with Scotch

"Well I tried to do some understudy work in Mississippi's in the 60's to get the accent right, but wouldn't you know it, they weren't accepting applications from six foot black guys, or any black guys for that matter, so I had to become the Director of SHIELD instead."

As he hands Phil the glass the conversation turns serious again "We knew there were other intelligent beings out there Phil. This is what we do. We deal with the things the world isn't ready for."

"Okay" Phil responds coolly "first off, let's not pretend that I've been sitting with the knowledge that there is intelligent life on other planets for decades Sir." His tone is heavy with annoyance "It's been a month since I learned about Asguardians and just when I think I'm going to get a minute to process what I've just learned; you load me up with some crap about immortality and…more frigging aliens. This is not processing Sir this is compounding." A beat "I won't run experiments. I'm not qualified. We're not qualified, at least not without some oversight."

"Is insubordination becoming a new hobby of yours Phil?"

"I don't know Nick" Coulson says tersely "are bad orders becoming a new hobby of yours?"

Fury's facial expression hardens noticeably. Phil is an exceedingly competent Agent and essential to the operation of SHIELD. He is also a rare friend and confidant but no one is above punishment, eventually the younger man was going to cross a line that demanded action.

"Careful Agent!"

"No, not this time" Phil isn't backing down "I always follow orders but my conscience has to come first. I can't in good conscience inject people with a drug…" Coulson is cut off before he can finish.

"I'm not asking you to do tests on people, at least not yet. Doctor Goodman is going to start with live tissue samples. Well get the results and proceed from there."

Phil lifts a finger and opens his mouth to argue but Fury starts in again before his subordinate can begin.

"Remember every Agent and Soldier you've ever lost Phil. What if you could bring them back? What if you could have prevented them from dying in the first place?" Fury finishes.

Phil points to the blank TV monitor.

"Bring the video back up." Coulson challenges "That patient didn't exactly look grateful to be alive. And I'm not sure I believe in raising people from the dead no matter what the circumstances."

Fury takes a swig from his newly filled glass before he speaks.

"What if it's someone the world can't afford to lose; a world leader, or perhaps someone from the Avengers initiative?"

At that Phil paused. How much did the world stand to lose if it lost the Avengers? What price was worth paying to prevent that from happening."

"You'll do the tests on the tissue samples Phil and we'll do it with the understanding that if a drug is developed, it will be used to revive a mortally wounded Avenger." Fury drums his right three fingers on the table top "I don't think that injecting a few tissue samples is too great a moral conundrum. This is how discovery happens."

Coulson takes a sip of his own drink, puts down the glass, crosses his arms, grabs his chin and sighs deeply.

"Why me?" he asks "There are plenty of Agents that can manage this with a more relevant skill set. I don't even understand why I'm being briefed on this right now let alone being asked to manage it." Coulson finishes.

"Because I knew you would have this reaction. In fact you're the only person I can think of that would be so appalled. I need a Devil's advocate."

Coulson shakes his head.

"Men like me push men like you to greatness by reminding you that sometimes we must do things we don't like for the greater good. Men like you prevent men like me from moving so far over the line that we do more harm than good…and forsake our souls in the process." Fury pauses "Cheese…You can test the tissue samples, or you can test my patience. Either way this is happening."

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

When Coulson returns to his office Sitwell is splayed out on his couch playing brick breaker on his phone.

"Hey." greets Sitwell without looking up from his game. Coulson moves around to the side of the couch where Sitwell's feet sit propped on the arm rest. He pushes the younger man's feet off the couch in a gentle sweeping motion. Sitwell adjusts and moves his feet aside. He still has yet to look up from the game. Coulson sits on the newly vacated half of couch.

"What are you doing here?" inquires Phil.

"At the moment playing Brick Breaker, I'm gonna get the high score. Also I wanted to ask why Natasha, Clint and I, are going to Moscow without you. Something wrong?" he asks still immersed in the game. Phil snatches the younger Agent's phone from his hands.

"Hey!" shouts Sitwell grabbing at the phone which Coulson holds away from him. "Dammit, I was doing really well." He pouts and eventually relents. Coulson shuts off the phone then hands it back to his swarthy subordinate.

"Okay now what's going on?" Coulson presses now that he is satisfied that the younger man is fully focused on the matter as hand.

"They are sending us to Russia with Agent Blake. Fury isn't that pissed at you for the Stark thing is he?" Jasper inquires.

"No" Phil explains "Fury wants me to manage another project for a bit."

"A project?" confusion is evident in the younger man's voice "since when do you manage projects?"

"Since now I guess." Coulson responds

"What kind of program?"

Phil pauses. He and Fury hadn't discussed the classification of the GH-325 project but Phil knew it would be "need to know" and likely above Sitwell's clearance level. It was a rare thing for him to discuss classified information with those not cleared to discuss it but in this case he needed advice, he needed a second opinion and so he decided that Jasper was going to have to serve as an advisor."

"It's a medical research project." Coulson finally answers.

"What? Since when do we do medical research…and more to the point, since when do you know anything about medicine? I mean apart from the occasional field dressing and your bedside manner is horrendous!"

Coulson considered his response for a moment. He wasn't certain if he should just come out with the whole thing or ease the younger man into it. In the end he decided to just come out with it.

"During a raid of an AIM research facility, SHIELD encountered a drug that can potentially heal a mortally wounded patient or revive someone after death. The source of the drug is too sensitive to be revealed to the general public so Fury won't consider releasing the information to outside organizations for further research which means either SHIELD will conduct the research or no one will. Fury wants to move ahead with research and he has asked me to manage the project." Coulson delivered the monologue clinically and scarcely took a breath between sentences. Sitwell stares back at the older man in stunned silence. The two stare at each other for what feels like an irrationally long period of time.

"Did you just say we could bring back people from the dead?" Sputters a confused Sitwell.

"Yes...or no…err maybe." replies Coulson "We can potentially bring people back from the dead or cure mortally wounded patients. We don't really know. We only have limited video footage." Admitted Coulson who starred back at the younger man and watched as the expression on his face changed from confusion and shock to mild excitement.

"Wow…" he said in a whimsical staccato "That's outstanding."

"What?" Coulson is outwardly surprised by the younger man's reaction "I don't think you understand. You didn't see the video. I should have explained it better. You see the process is likely incredibly painful. It's painful enough to cause PTSD or some other form of psychological degradation."

"Oh" Sitwell replies "but a guy who was dead is now alive, right? He just has PTSD? I don't know about you, but I'd rather be living with PTSD then dead without it" Jasper reasons.

"Yeah but…." Coulson struggles "bringing back people from the dead, performing medical experiments without oversight when we have no understanding of the side effects, it shouldn't be done." he pauses "and what if I told you the source of the drug was not exactly…human…per se?"

"I don't care if the source is armadillo feces, if it could be some kind of miracle drug then hell, give it a shot. Listen to me if you wanted someone to talk you out of this you came to the wrong guy. You know how my mother died."

Coulson nods his head solemnly in recognition of the younger man's loss.

"If I had a chance to spare someone else that pain, I would." Sitwell continues firmly "besides…that's why Fury picked you Phil. Because you'll do it right. You won't loose respect for human dignity. You can't. I've tried to make you lose it, but you still haven't shot me so I know now it's simply not possible."

"but what if it goes wrong?" Phil ignores the joke completely and there is uncertainty in his voice. Coulson has never really sounded uncertain before (at least not to Jasper) and it's disconcerting because Sitwell has never been on this side of the conversation before. The younger Agent isn't sure what he should say, so he just does his best Phil Coulson impression and hopes to God it works as well on Phil as it does on everyone else.

"Then it goes wrong, just like any mission. We risk a lot of pain because we believe the risk is worth it. I'll admit I didn't see the tape you're describing but if what you say is true then it's worth the risk. You aren't some AIM researcher. You'll do it right and if it's something that shouldn't be used, then you'll shut it down."

Phil was surprised by the younger man's response. If he's honest he really had wanted Jasper to talk him out of it.

"I am suddenly wishing I hadn't shut down your Brick Breaker session." Coulson says with a laugh. Sitwell returns his smile. "When do you leave for Moscow?" Phil inquires, deciding it's time to change the subject.

"Tomorrow evening." The younger man allows himself to be steered away.

"Alright then I suppose you better get packing." Phil concludes

"Hardly, I leave that crap until the last minute" he smiles "but I'm meeting an old academy friend for drinks. Don't want to keep her waiting." Sitwell stands from the couch and heads for the door but stops briefly before departing.

"Good luck boss." he exits before Coulson can respond.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Doctor Goodman breathes deeply before she activates the video camera. She had never been good at recording herself. It was a part of her profession she fully admitted was one of her greatest weaknesses. She always ends up forgetting something important, coughing, twitching or some other manner of foolishness that makes her look like an idiot. _Alright Goodman_ she encourages herself internally _let's get this in one take _and then She activates the camera

"Testing on samples one through five has proven highly successful. All cellular material regenerated within a minimum of 2 minutes to a maximum of 6 hours. A kind of cellular degradation akin to fibrosis was observed in tissue samples that had experienced significant decay or trauma. I theorized that this fibrosis drove the requirement for surgical intervention in patients treated under AIM researcher, Doctor Vuong. This theory was confirmed during the treatment of subjects one through five who required varying levels of surgical intervention based on the decay and condition of internal organs. Subject five suffered the least tissue damage due to trauma and was injected pre-mortem. No post-surgical intervention was required and subject five appears to have recovered within moments of injection and has shown no sign of mental deterioration. Also confirmed with regard to Doctor Vuong's research was the negative pharmaceutical interaction between GH 325 and pain medications. GH-325 reacts negatively with most chemical agents for a period of at least two months. This negative reaction resulted in immediate cardiac arrest in subjects one and two. This is Doctor Lina Goodman on May 15, 2011 at 0530 hours. This concludes my report. "

Doctor Goodman pushes the off button on the camera and watches as the red "record" indicator blinks off.

"Good Morning Doctor" Goodman jumps in surprise as she is greeted by a familiar voice. She turns to face her intruder/visitor.

"Agent Coulson" she greets stiffly "I didn't hear you come in. You startled me."

"I thought we agreed to take the weekend off" he ignored her statement "you've been working non-stop for two months."

"This is the project of a lifetime Agent Coulson. I'll take a break when it's completed. Besides I suppose the fact that you're here negates any agreement don't you think?"

"I notice the use of the word _subjects_ in your report Doctor." Coulson interrogates, his hands are crossed behind his back in a stiff parade-rest. "The word _subjects,_ is distinctly different than the word _samples_. Have you been doing something unauthorized while I was away? It's only been a day."

Dr. Goodman sighs deeply "Yes I have done some testing, but it's not what you think."

"Unless you've completely limited your testing to tissue samples than it's exactly what I think." Coulson says sharply "I told you we would discuss any further testing on Monday."

"Then why are you here Agent Coulson?" She asked with equal edge.

"Because I don't trust you Doctor." Goodman can't help but let the surprise grace her facial features. She hadn't expected the man to be quite so direct "What have you done?" he interrogates further.

"Relax Agent Coulson I didn't do any tests on human subjects just monkeys."

Coulson's eyes narrow and Lina has no illusions about being unaffected by the man's glare. She had learned quickly that she couldn't simply baffle the "unqualified operations officer" with bullshit and he had proven a barrier to progress. When she was first told that Coulson would be managing the program she has been resentful and more than a little insulted but she figured he would stand aside for lack of medical knowledge. Much to her chagrin he insisted on being involved. Initially the senior Agent had been inquisitive. He asked a lot of questions and was almost apologetic about his involvement but as the weeks rolled on it became increasingly evident that their objectives were different; their relationship became strained. Now as she watched him quietly reign in his anger, she couldn't deny that she feared that anger. Somehow she had come to respect the man's quiet intelligence and attention to detail even as she had come to believe he was a bureaucrat who would stifle discovery.

"Show me what you've done" he said with a quiet danger in his voice.

"This way." She replied trying to hide the fear in her own voice.

The doctor leads Coulson down a narrow hallway to the observation room where two monkeys in separate cages sit at opposite ends atop a metal lab table.

The monkey on the left side of the table is despondent. It grabs at its cage with bloody paws, screams, and jumps about with wild eyes. An incision runs down the animals belly and it bleeds through the stitches that hold the two sides of flesh together.

The monkey on the right side of the table is calm but curious and perhaps a bit frightened_ If I'm reading that correctly_ muses Coulson. The monkey on the right watches the other animal with what could almost be described as alarmed interest.

"I did tests on five subjects" explains Doctor Goodman before Coulson has the chance to ask his first question "The first two died when I attempted to give them sedatives after injecting them with the serum. Chemical agents seem to have an adverse reaction to GH-325. It caused immediate cardiac arrest." Goodman stares at her hands and rubs them together nervously.

"The third subject didn't receive any sedatives but the animal suffered extensive trauma. GH-325 can regenerate cells but it doesn't know how to _shape_ them properly. If an organ is badly deformed because…let's say…" Doctor Goodman's looks upward and her forehead contorts as she struggles to think of an example "let's say the organ was cut in half by debris from an explosion, or perhaps was punctured by an object of significant width. If significant trauma occurs, then it's as if the GH serum has to _guess_ what form the organ should take… and in subject three, it guessed wrong. It's just wild uncontrolled tissue regeneration. "

The doctor uses air quotes on the word "shape" and "Guess" to relay the colloquial nature of the comparison. Coulson recognized early on that Dr. Goodman assumed operations officers were incapable of understanding words with more than three syllables. He's been struggling to control the urge to punch her every time she uses air quotes.

"..so the more damaged an organ is, the more likely there will be deformations similar to massive scarring." Goodman continues "Subject three was revived momentarily but his organs were so deformed they couldn't function properly" she smiles nervously "but as you can see the remaining two subjects survived." She gestures to the two remaining monkeys in the observation rooms with a sweeping motion.

Coulson returns his gaze back to the caged animals. The monkey on the left hasn't stopped moving. The crazed animal's constant screaming and self-destructive motion had made it difficult for Coulson to concentrate during the Doctor's research explanation.

"And what's wrong with him?" Coulson points to the monkey on the left.

Doctor Goodman sighs as if she knew the question was coming.

"It's a she actually" Goodman glances toward the crazed animal "Just like subject three, she suffered from extensive organ and tissue damage." the Doctor states simply, as though that explanation in-and-of itself is sufficient. "I learned after subject three. I didn't just inject the animal; I opened her up ahead of time." Coulson puts up a hand in a stopping motion.

"Opened her up?" he interrogates.

"Yes, I opened her chest cavity so I could see all of her internal organs. After injecting her, I could see the organs reforming. I put her on life support immediately and I repaired each of the deformed organs individually." The doctor sighs sadly "Unfortunately it took 12 separate surgeries and I could not sedate the animal for any of the procedures." Doctor Goodman pauses "Subject four began behaving manically within hours of surgery. She shouldn't really be moving so soon after surgery, but I believe the pain and trauma is probably fueling the behavior. Just as Doctor Vuong predicted, the animal is suffering from severe PTSD. It's the only thing I can think of to explain it." for a moment Goodman sounds like she doubts her own explanation. Then she gestures to the animal on the right who is drinking calmly from a water bottle.

"I realized I needed an animal with minimal damage to the internal organs. The male animal on the right was stabbed through the heart with a precision instrument. The injury caused massive blood loss but did not damage the organ extensively. I also injected this animal pre-mortem." A beat "You see the wound was fatal but it caused minimal damage to internal organs and because the animal never died, there was no decay. The only thing the last subject needed was a blood transfusion and it was just like the miracle cure we've been hoping for." A smile born of pride replaces confusion as the Doctor stares at the healthy, well behaved animal on the right.

Coulson shakes his head and stares at the crazed animal on the left who continues to jump and scream in its cage.

"Miracle cure huh?" Coulson doesn't look at Goodman as he speaks "How long has she been like this?

"Since Friday evening….or maybe it was Saturday morning. It's all kind of a blur" She responds

"So you started this on Friday then?" he repeats incredulous "I was here Friday morning" Coulson grits his teeth "I asked you if there were any significant updates and you said no. I take it this is what you were doing while I was in my office updating the now inaccurate reports."

"Yes Sir" she attempts to say it with confidence. She attempts to match his steely gaze. She had known on Friday she might lose her job for this level of insubordination but it was worth it. Now as she looks at Coulson's face, she isn't sure. His hardened gaze is focused on her now. He shakes his head in disgust.

"I hope you have whatever samples you need from the animal on the left, Doctor." and without another word he turns on his heels and leaves.

He returns a few minutes later with a pair of work gloves. He marches into the observation room and grabs the cage containing the still hysterical female monkey by a hinge handle on the top.

"What are you doing?" Dr. Goodman attempts to block his exit

"I'm taking this animal Doctor. I think that should be obvious" Replies Coulson.

"What the hell are you going to do with her" she asks horrified

"None of your concern"

"I still need to examine her" Goodman curls her fingers around the metal gate of the cage and attempts to wretch it away from Coulson. The animal inside the cage rips and claws violently at the Doctor's fingers. Goodman screams and immediately releases the cage.

"I imagine you already took all the blood and tissue samples you needed" he looks unsympathetically at Goodman as she holds up her injured hands.

"Yes but I'll need to examine her over time" she says firmly.

Coulson doesn't respond and easily maneuvers around her and out of the lab door.

He continues to walk through several doors and down several hallways. He passes more than a few confused Agents who stare at the elder Agent with raised eyebrows as he passes them with a rabid Monkey. Finally he finds an exit to the employee smoke pit located along a tree line in a wooded area. He proceeds with the cage through the tree line. When he feels he is sufficiently out of view, he places the cage on the ground.

For a few minutes Phil stares at the wild eyed animal attempting to see if he can capture her gaze or see any glimpse of the sanity the animal must have possessed before. The monkey hasn't calmed since Coulson first saw her in the observation room. With a deep sigh he puts on the work gloves and opens the top of the cage. The Agent grabs the animal quickly and she screams and claws at his arm as he lowers her to the ground. Coulson keeps his hand around the animal's neck and leans away as it rips at the top two buttons on the arm of his Brooks Brothers suit that were left unprotected by the work gloves.

"I'm so sorry girl" he speaks solemnly as he pulls out his sidearm and aims it at her head "You didn't deserve this"

And then he pulls the trigger.

From inside the lab Dr. Goodman flinches as she hears the distinct sound of a gunshot.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for the mishap with the Chapters and thanks to the two reviewers who brought it to my attention. Hopefully it's all better now.

* * *

Not for the first time, Nick Fury wishes he didn't look so fucking outstanding in his leather trench coat. He'd spent three hours in a meeting with no air conditioning and he felt the pit stains developing at the fifteen minute mark. Taking the damn thing off had never been an option because Director Fury can't intimidate R&amp;D into accomplishing his goals on a timeline with body odor. As he walks toward his office he imagines with glee the moment he is safe behind his office doors and can finally shed the damn coat. _It's worth it_ he muses _I look good_.

"Sir" His clerk halts Fury's forward progress and the older man tries not to let his annoyance show as he turns to address the young Agent. Before he can respond he notes his clerk's disheveled appearance. The young man was sans coat and tie. His dress shirt was ripped and missing some buttons.

"What the hell happened to you?" Fury was only confused for a moment but then remembered "Oh! Crap! Moreno" Fury winces and snaps as if he just remembered something "I forgot to tell you… Coulson might come by. He might be angry, and you should just let him in."

"He did come by Sir. He was angry, but my orders at the time were to not let anyone by." Moreno shrugs and raises his hands helplessly "…he's waiting for you in your office Sir. I tried to stop him." He drops his arms to his sides in defeat.

"I know what your orders were Moreno" Fury interjects not unsympathetically

"I didn't know what to do" The confused young man sputtered

"Yeah, yeah, okay, new orders. If Hill or Coulson come storming in just let them by."

"Roger that Sir" Moreno responds almost apologetically.

"Submission or knock out?" Fury inquires

"Excuse me Sir?" Moreno is confused

"How'd he stop you? Never mind, you don't have any bruising so he must have submitted you."

"Oh yes sir" Moreno admits "some kind of wrist lock."

Fury doesn't respond he simply stares at Moreno until the young Agent starts to squirm under his gaze.

"Am I fired Sir?"

"No but you better damn well get your ass down to the gym and train until you no longer get your ass handed to you by a guy who is half your size and twice your age."

"Roger that Sir" Moreno replies.

Fury sighs deeply. He really just wanted a minute to change his shirt. Instead he was going to have to deal with round two of Coulson's self-righteous indignance.

Dr. Goodman had approached Fury over the weekend with her unauthorized research. She explained her conflict with Coulson and how she had been driven to run the tests on her own. Fury was ready to fire her for insubordination until she had presented him with the results. He still intended to force her resignation and he had told her as much, but he gave her permission to complete testing on human volunteers. He knew Coulson would be beyond pissed and in all honesty Fury couldn't blame him. Phil was right. He should never have put him in charge of the project. Given their worldviews, a conflict between the two of them was inevitable. _No use putting it off_ he thinks with a sigh and pushes open the double doors to his office.

"You know you could have just stayed in the waiting room" starts Fury as he stalks towards his desk "I would have let you in."

"I figured Moreno was covering for you" admits the younger Agent "I didn't believe him when he said you were out."

"I've never had a hard time facing anyone Cheese. You think I'm gonna start with you."

Phil shrugs nonchalantly. He sits in the guest chair. He has a glass of the good Scotch in his hand and there's blood on his shirt.

"What the hell happened to you?" Fury inquires somewhat shocked by the blood "did Moreno get a punch in?"

"No it's not mine. I had to kill a monkey" Responds Coulson as if it's the most normal thing in the world.

Fury steeples his fingers as he lowers himself into his chair. His expression grows cold.

"You killed one of the monkeys?" the question is tinged with anger "I assume it was the crazy one. The doctor needed to study it to prevent the same reaction in humans."

"It was a she actually." He responds "and that animal would have clawed its hands off and bled to death slowly if you'd let it. It was grotesque that she was keeping it alive. It was grotesque that she ran the experiment in the first place" Coulson's voice remains even.

"You were right" begins Fury "I never should have assigned you this project"

"No you shouldn't have" responded Phil "but I can't un-see what I've seen"

"I know you think I've undermined you but I assure you, Doctor Goodman will resign after…"

"You think that's what this is about?" The younger Agent finally raises his voice. "We agreed to limit the study to tissue samples. You made it sound like I was some kind of stop-gap against depravity and now we are experimenting on animals and moving onto humans in the course of three months? Are you insane?"

"I didn't realize the project would be so successful. The results speak for themselves"

"We have one healthy subject out of two after only two days of testing. Even if that weren't a 50% failure rate, even if both animals had been perfectly healthy there is no way that's sufficient testing?"

"Fine well give it another month but if the animals remain healthy then…"

"No, no, no" Coulson interrupts "I can't un-see this don't you understand. I didn't join a medical research organization I joined SHIELD. You need to give this to someone more equipped for research or you need to give it up."

"It could save lives."

"Or we could lose our soul. You told me I needed to prevent that." counters the younger man.

"Cheese…"

"I can't let you do this." Coulson says breathily and bows his head.

"Excuse me?" Responds Fury incredulously.

"I love you Sir and I love this job." Fury couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the statement. The two were as close as brothers once, but they had never vocalized it. "You took me in when no one else would" the younger man continues "and I'll always owe you for that but I'll quit and tell the world before I let this happen. I doubt it's legal. I'm almost certain I'd get whistle blower protection, but I'll go to jail if I have to." The younger Agent's face is still oriented towards the floor when he finishes. A thick silence hangs between the two men.

Phil knows that he can't end the experiments without threatening to leave the organization and leak the information. He also knows that he can't threaten such an action without potentially losing his job and finding himself at the opposite end of a debate with one of his oldest friends.

In a way he has been forced to make the same decision as Doctor Goodman. He can't help but respect her for it even if he believes she is wrong. She believes in the project and its potential for good and so she risked everything to defend it. Now he must do the same to ensure its destruction.

Fury is motionless as he contemplates his next action. Somehow he was on the verge of losing one of his best agents and one of his most gifted researchers in the same breath. Or maybe not...with the exception of the last few months Coulson could hardly be labeled a "loose cannon" and this kind of expected push-back was exactly why he had placed Coulson in charge in the first place. Nick could see both sides of the issue and in that moment he figured that if a God did exist and that God occasionally gave people signs, then he should take it as a sign when one of his best Agents was threatening to leave SHIELD because of a project that Fury himself admits is morally ambiguous at best.

"Okay" Fury says with no change in tone or expression

"Okay?" Coulson lifts his head and his eyebrows quirk in confusion.

"Yes Cheese okay…." Fury sighs "This is why I brought you in. I've decided to listen to you because if it means that much to you then I'm not sure I want to do it anyway."

"Okay." Coulson responds although the statement still sounds more like a question.

"Okay," Fury says with an air of finality "now get the hell out of my office. I'll trust this stays between us and you won't take this decision as some kind of green light to issue threats to your superiors."

"It wasn't a threat Sir" Their eyes locked. Coulson looks tired and sad. Fury's face is hard but his eyes are soft.

"I know" he replies softly "now send in Dr. Goodman. She'll loose her project but she won't lose her job. I won't ask her to resign when I just accepted the same behavior from you."

"Yes Sir" and in the space of those two words the younger man transforms back into the obedient subordinate.


	6. Chapter 6

Three days after the project is shut down Dr Goodman is grudgingly cleaning out the lab and Phil is finishing up some paperwork. It's around two in the afternoon when Coulson hears a knock on his office door.

"Come in" he looks up from his paperwork expectantly.

The partially open door angles open fully to reveal a young brunette with soft brown eyes. Phil recognizes her from somewhere but can't quite place her.

"Good afternoon Sir" the young agent speaks timidly "I was wondering if I could have a word?"

"Of course" Coulson motions to the open couch and regards the Agent quizzically as she sits. "How can I help you Agent…?" he raises his eyebrows and draws out the last word.

"Stephens Sir. Rebecca Stevens" she answers "I've actually met you before but I doubt you remember me. You came in as a guest instructor for my academy class."

"Ah" he says with a smile. He drops his pen and leans back in his chair. "Yes of course I remember you now. You were in Sitwell's class. The two of you were thick as thieves"

Stephens chuckles in response. He had only guest lectured a half a dozen times or so. He never really had the opportunity to learn her name but he remembers her face. He remembers she was inquisitive, intelligent and always asked good questions.

"What can I do for you Agent Stevens?" He prompted. There was silence for a beat. The young woman steepled her hands, bowed her head and sighed as if steeling herself for some dark admission.

"Sir I uh..." she paused "I am dying of cancer." She looked straight into his eyes.

Coulson for his part didn't let his shock show. His smile disappeared. He was admittedly caught off guard. Silence hung over them. Stephens seemed to be waiting for a response and Phil remained quiet as he considered why an Agent he was just barely acquainted with might be revealing such intimate details of her personal life. He arrived at several possible conclusions none of which he liked and the most likely of which…he absolutely hated.

"I see"" he responded plainly and his smile returned "That's awful Agent Stephens. I don't really know what to say" He finishes

"Sir I know about the program" she stares at him with more confidence now and she has the look of someone committed. "I want to participate." She finishes

_Yep, this was my least favorite possibility and I hate this_ he mussed _I am going to kill someone_.

"Agent Stevens I don't know what you've heard…."

"Do you know what it's like to know you're going to die Sir? To know there is nothing you can do?"

Coulson stares at his hands because no matter how good he is at playing the suit, he can't just stare impassively at someone as they discuss their fear of death.

"No" he says softly "Of course not, but there is no program for you to participate in."

"Bullshit" her voice is sharp, determined "Director Fury told me to talk to you. I doubt he'd do that if the thing didn't exist."

"You spoke with Director Fury?" Phil's head snaps up in anger "he sent you here?"

"Yes" she stated curtly "He told me to come talk to you. If there is hope…"

"You don't know what you're getting yourself into. You haven't seen the…"

"Then show me. Inform me." She interrupts. Her voice is imploring now.

"It's classified…"

"This is my life were talking about. Fuck your secrets. Fuck this place. I've given my life for SHIELD and now they won't even help save mine. I was told you were a good man, someone who tried to do what's right."

"I'm trying to do what's right and I can't in good conscience inject people with an untested drug especially when the side effects might lead to a standard of living to which death might be preferable."

"Then show me" her eyes pleaded "Please"

Coulson starred back at her with sympathy in his eyes. She was breaking his heart and testing his resolve.

"I'm sorry" he finally said, his voice soft and apologetic.

Stevens for her part actually looked at him fondly and sighed.

"I think I can convince you" she said staring at the ground. "I'll ask for your forgiveness in advanced Sir." Then she looked in his eyes. "You could probably arrest me for sharing classified information but since God has already given me a death sentence I fear that there is very little SHIELD can do to me now. You should know that you're about to receive a lot more visits from people like me."

"Agent Stevens if that's a threat…" Coulson frowned.

"I don't do threats Sir" the young woman interrupts "I understand your position. I genuinely hope there are no negative repercussions for you because of what I'm about to do but you need to understand my position." and with that final statement the dark haired agent turned and walked away.

The door slams shut and Phil becomes enraged as he imagines Director Fury enlisting desperate, terminally-ill patients to revive the program. Coulson paces his office for about five minutes before he picks up his phone and dials.

"Fury" answers a voice at the other end.

"You're trying to guilt me by sending me terminally ill patients?" Phil begins without greeting "This is a new low and a…."

"Woah! Hold on there." beings Fury "I am going to cut you off before you accuse me of something we'll both regret. Agent Stevens made a mockery of my Aide for the second time this week and then barged into my office insisting that she had been told about some program that might cure people of terminal illnesses. As she was screaming at me, I thought to myself… there is no way she can be referring to GH-325 because there are two other people in the world who know about that program and neither of them would divulge classified information." The director's voice is dripping with sarcasm "and then I remembered that I'd seen Agent Stevens somewhere. I couldn't place her at first and then it quickly came to me. She is a close friend of Agent…."

"….Sitwell" Coulson finishes Fury's statement and slaps himself in the forehead.

"Yes I'd seen her with Agent Sitwell" Fury continues smarmily "but I am certain that my most trusted advisor wouldn't be discussing classified information with his subordinate. That would be unprofessional and illegal. "

"I apologize Sir…for the accusation and the breach of security." He stated plainly, not wasting time denying that he had told Sitwell about the program.

"Honestly Phil I've never been so happy about a security breach. It was just what I needed to knock you off that soap-box and if it changes your mind about GH-325 then so-be-it" he stated plainly "Now figure it out Phil. If this leaks, it's your ass." the older man hangs up.

Coulson puts down his cell and picks up the hardline desk phone he hasn't used since God knows when. He dials one of the few numbers he still knows by heart.

"Sitwell" answers a professional sounding voice on the other end

"Hey there Jasper"

"Dammit…" Phil can just barely hear the younger man whisper the expletive on the other end of the line.

"Thought you could just screen my calls until you got back? I guess you forgot the desk lines are still encrypted you stupid, stupid son of a bitch."

"Boss listen. I didn't mean to…"

"In ten years I let you in on one secret and you immediately…."

"I know I shouldn't have…"

"I thought I could trust you." He says accusingly.

"Phil dammit just let me explain" the younger man yells and Phil allows him to speak. "I guess she really barged into Fury's office then?" he asks with a deep sigh.

"She barged into my office Jasper. What did you think was going to happen? She's dying. She'll do anything."

"I didn't give her your name Sir. I didn't really give her any specifics. It's just…" Jasper struggles to find the words "she told me about the cancer the night after you and I spoke. I mean she's dying. They gave her five or six months at best. I couldn't help it. I just told her that there might still be hope and somehow it went downhill from there. When I told her I couldn't give her any information about the program she threatened to break into the director's office."

_What a frigging mess _Coulson mussed.

"Well she didn't break in, but from what I hear she embarrassed Fury's aide."

Jasper chuckles on the other line. Eventually the laughter peters out and there is a long silence.

"I have to deal with this now Jasper." Coulson says resignedly "She's threatening to tell others. We could both loose our jobs. Hell, I could go to jail."

"I know" replies Jasper softly.

After a long pause Phil breaks the silence.

"Okay" there is kindness in his voice "alright, focus on your mission. Hopefully I can figure this out and then you and I will talk when you get back."

"Roger that Sir" Sitwell sighs.

Phil was left to contemplate what Agent Stevens had meant when she said that he would be hearing from others.


	7. Chapter 7

Unfortunately, Phil didn't have to wait long to discover Agent Stevens' plan. The day after the confrontation in his office, another sick Agent barges into Coulsons office, demanding that he acknowledge the program and begin human trials.

Every day around the same time he receives a new "visitor". All of them are terminally ill. All of them deal with their illnesses differently. All of their appeals to Coulson are different but their stories are the same. Terminally diagnosed with only months to live, they all want a second chance at life regardless of the consequences.

Every day for five days, Coulson tells a new Agent that he is sorry. Every day they wear away at his resolve and every night he lies awake wondering if he is doing the right thing by withholding a drug (even an untested one) from patients who have no other hope. And then comes day six…

Coulson cringes when his door opens on day six. His heart aches for these people and he doesn't think he can deny knowledge of the program while another victim cries, yells or begs. The senior Agent lets out a sigh of relief when he looks up and sees a familiar face at the door.

"Cameron" Coulson greets his former Agent warmly "It's good to see you. Come on in. What brings you out this way?"

"Hey Sir" Agent Klein greets reticently "something wrong? You look surprised to see me."

"No I was just…expecting someone else" He smiles almost shyly.

Cameron Klein was one of Coulson's best agents. His field work was solid but more than anything Phil had always appreciated the man's decency, kindness and patience. He was the kind of man that made a team better simply by being himself. Two years ago Klein's wife gave birth to a son and Cameron requested a transfer to (the much safer and reliably scheduled) recruiting duty. It killed Coulson to grant the request but the older man knew that Cameron Klein would make a great recruiter and an even greater father.

"You have a new picture of the boy?" Coulson asks.

Whenever his former Agent has an occasion to visit Headquarters he drops by Phil's office with two beers and a new picture of his son. Even if Phil is out when Cameron drops-by, he knows the younger man has been there when he finds a picture of a smiling toddler and a beer on his desk. It's become something of a tradition.

"Yes of course" Klein replies and he pulls a photo and two beers out of his bag and sits down across from Phil. Coulson takes the photo while Cameron busies himself opening the beers.

"Wow" says Phil as he regards the Photo with genuine wonder "they really do grow up fast."

"They do indeed." replies Cameron as he hands Coulson a now open beer.

Both men take a sip and Cameron studies the floor nervously for a moment before beginning to speak.

"Sir I have to tell you something" Klein still studies the floor as he speaks "I have to admit I came here with an ulterior motive" when Cameron finally looks Phil in the eyes, the older man can see desperation there.

Phil's heart sinks as he realizes that Cameron is, in fact, his sixth angel of death. He wonders if Agent Stephens knew he and Agent Klein were friends before she sought him out and sent him in here to crush an old man's soul. He listens to Cameron's story and he thinks about a boy growing up without a father and even though at the end of the conversation he tells his former Agent "I'll think about it" Phil knows right then and there that his resolve is broken.

Later that night he calls Fury.

"I've changed my mind Sir" he says simply.

"Very well" the director responds "get some sleep Phil. You sound like shit."


	8. Chapter 8

A note from the author

I'd like to thank some random dude/chick with the name "Stare Decisis" on a Reddit for coming up with a pretty awesome acronym for TAHITI. I stole it...

Also…

I realized too late that the timeline is imperfect in this story. People who don't pay close attention probably won't notice. For the rest of you…"a wizard did it".

Also, I took huge liberties with Coulson's history in this chapter. These liberties do not necessarily contradict with much we currently know but I highly doubt it's in line with what the show writers have in mind so this story will probably contradict with the show in the future. If this upsets you I will caution you not to proceed.

* * *

Chapter 8

They complete an additional month of testing on rats before moving on to their group of six volunteers. Phil has to admit, Dr Goodman was right. When the animals suffered minimal tissue damage and were injected before death, the treatment was a success with no observable side effects.

Phil forces the volunteers to read the results of previous testing, watch the AIM videos, and sign a waiver before allowing them to participate in the TAHITI project. Cameron Klein is the only volunteer to hesitate. Cameron's hesitation is the reason why Phil finds himself in the lab with his former Agent at seven o'clock on the evening prior to the start of testing.

"What do you think I should do?" Cameron asks Coulson nervously after watching Dr. Voung's video for the third time.

The younger man sits nervously on a lab stool. His elbows are propped up on a cold metal table and his posture is rigid as he contemplates the brutal AIM video he'd just been forced to review.

"No Cameron" Coulson replies warily "Don't ask me that. It's not fair. You came to me remember? I'm not advising you either way." He stands over Cameron's right shoulder and the younger agent swivels his stool around to face Phil.

"Yes but you were against it before." He reminds his former boss

"Yes" he replied "and then you changed my mind. This has to be your decision."

Cameron lowers his shoulders and looks at the ground.

"I'm sorry. You're right. I need to do this for my son. Even if it doesn't work, even if it just does something worse, I have to try for him." He says more to himself than to Coulson.

Phil nods once

"Okay then. Here are your instructions." Phil hands the younger man a sheet of paper. "We fly out to those grid coordinates in a week." He motions to the piece of paper.

Cameron opens the piece of paper and stares with a combination of confusion and amusement at the title line printed neatly across the top of the paper.

"Terran-Alien Hybrid Immunization Therapy Initiative?" Cameron reads aloud "Damn that's a mouthful. Who names these things?"

"I'm not entirely certain" admits Phil "but I think there is a group at HQ. If it helps you can just call it TAHITI."

The younger man regards the paper a second time "ah" he says with an air of enlightenment "It spells TAHITI…of course it does. You think they do this crap on purpose?"

"I do" Phil answers simply

"You think the Headquarters types have too much time on their hands?"

"I'm a headquarters type Agent Klein…but yes I do think they probably have too much time on their hands." He confirms.

"Hey do you remember when R&amp;D gave us those optics to test. They were calling them _Binocular Opaque Object Breach Sights_ and Barton immediately started calling them…"

"BOOBS" Finished Coulson "Yes, unfortunately; I remember. I suppose I should have known better when he offered to give the debrief." Coulson sighed "Barton's never volunteered to give a debrief in his life."

"The BOOBS are nice to look at but difficult to conceal" Cameron mimics Barton as he repeats the more memorable lines from the now infamous debrief "The BOOBS didn't function properly when manhandled and require a certain level of gentle finesse if you want them to respond properly."

"I thought Fury was going to kill him" Cameron states as he recalls the murderous look on the director's face as Barton, wearing a suit and tie for the first time in his life (complete with a laser pointer and power point presentation) conducted a professional debrief which included the BOOBS acronym a total of 48 times. Each mention of the acronym included some level of sexual innuendo "I have to admit, at the time, I thought Romanov might be offended" Cameron replied.

"Ha" Phil laughed as he began to imagine how far someone might have to go to offend Natasha Romanov "No I imagine Romanov only encouraged him. I'd be surprised if the entire thing wasn't her idea." He smiles wistfully "I am actually fairly certain that the reason we now have a group at Headquarters that sits around and names things is because Fury doesn't want another BOOBS incident"

The two men fall into an uneasy silence as the fond recollection reaches its natural end.

"You have everything you need?" Phil steers the conversation back to the present.

"Yes and you have my wife's contact information?"

"Yes" replies Phil calmly "If things go south she'll play a part in any decision we make."

"You know that's unnecessary" he says reproachfully "only call her if it works Phil, she shouldn't have to…"

"We've discussed this" the older man interrupts tersely "Your wife and I have discussed this. I'm not making decisions without her. I can't be left to make decisions about your wellbeing on my own. Not when those decisions impact others."

"Phil you need to understand. I'm trying to protect them from being saddled with a potential vegetable or a crazy person."

"I understand Cameron. You're very honorable but my decision stands."

"Okay let's just talk this through."

"No" he attempts to end the conversation.

"You don't know what it is to have a family Phil."

"Yes I do" he states simply

"Having an actual family is not like a SHIELD family. It's different when you have a child who depends on you."

Coulson is silent. He stares intently at his former Agent as if contemplating something. A soft, sad smile develops on his face and Cameron thinks he is going to finally be allowed to make his case…but the older man breaks the silence.

"I had a wife and a son once." Phil's left eyebrow and the side of his mouth quirk upward briefly in an effort to make the statement seem casual "I know what it's like and my decision stands. If you don't want me to include your wife in the decision making process, you can walk away at any time." He finishes

There is a silence for what seems like forever. Cameron stares at his former boss incredulously and his eyebrows scrunch together in confusion and disbelief. In his head, Cameron tries to run through a thousand shared moments and conversations and recall just one instance where his boss had ever mentioned a family.

_It's simply not possible_ Cameron muses. In six years of working together and almost ten years knowing each other the older man had never even alluded to a family.

"You couldn't have had a child?" Cameron finally blurts after he overcomes his initial shock. "There is no way. I would have known about it. That kind of thing comes up eventually." He states insistently.

"I did" Phil replies plainly

"You said you were recruited when you were 18. If you had a kid after you joined SHIELD someone would have known about it…and obviously you couldn't have had one before you joined SHIELD. You would have been too young."

"I was too young" Phil replies

"No…you would have had to have been…" Cameron trails off and Phil can see him trying to do the math in his head. The older man decides to save him some time.

"I was sixteen when I got my ex-wife pregnant. I was seventeen when my son was born. So I went to the only place that will take a seventeen year old idiot with no skills and give him and his dependents housing and medical insurance."

"SHIELD?" asked Cameron

"Nope…the United States Army" a beat "I actually met Fury in the Army."

"So…you joined SHIELD after you got out and….?" the inflection in Klein's voice is questioning "your wife left with the kid?" he presses.

Phil sighs and takes a seat on an adjacent lab stool. If he's honest he is a little disappointed the younger man would just assume he'd abandon a spouse and child so he could work for SHIELD but he supposes he's never really given any of his Agents much of a reason to believe otherwise. His job had been his life for as long as any of them had known him.

"No, I didn't even consider SHIELD as an option at the time. I was trying to get away from that kind of work." Phil speaks as if he is discussing the weather "I was finishing up night school when Fury approached me. I was going to get a degree in accounting and leave the Army. My wife was going to attend nursing school and we were going to live happily ever after." The older man's knee starts to bob up and down and somehow even though there are no outward signs; Cameron knows the older man is uncomfortable. "I remember thinking I was doing pretty well for a guy who got a girl pregnant at 16…and then my son got sick." Phil's knee moves more frantically and Cameron has to resist the urge to reach out and stop the movement "He was diagnosed with a genetic condition that I passed on to him." Phil doesn't stop his monologue and Cameron for his part can't believe what he is hearing "He was given only six months to live but he held on for another two years." the older man smiles fondly as he remembers his child's fighting spirit "and then one day I was at a training exercise and he came down with a fever. My wife and I were accustomed to the fevers. He'd had a temperature half a dozen times that year and he always recovered. My wife didn't want to worry me, so she held off on contacting me. By the time she realized how bad he was, it was too late and I missed his last breath by a half hour."

Phil looks up. Cameron stares back.

"My God Phil" he half whispers, "We've been friends for years. Why didn't you say anything?"

"It never came up" he shrugged

"Never came up!" Cameron eyebrows knitted together in disappointment "I have a son. I've showed you pictures. These are the kinds of things friends talk about Phil. It never came up?" Cameron stares back at Phil intensely. The older man is ashamed when he is eventually forced to look away under the scrutiny.

"You could have given me advice. You could have shown me pictures." He almost yells and then his expression contorts into something more pensive "Wait…do you have a picture?" Cameron refuses to look away. His eyes are angry now. Phil finally finds the courage to look back at his friend. "You do don't you? My God Phil, let me see."

Phil lets out an annoyed grunt as he reaches in his back pocket to retrieve his wallet. He tugs at a piece of paper behind his driver's license and hands it to Cameron.

Cameron unfolds the aging piece of paper carefully. Three smiling children stare back at Cameron, a boy a girl and a toddler. The boy and the girl in the photo are parents, of course, but they are still children none the less. Phil and his wife can't be more than 19 in the photo. Between the pair sits a toddler who has the girls smile and the boy's eyes. Phil is easily recognizable, but Cameron has a hard time imagining his boss as a teenager with a baby and he regards the smiling family with awe and disappointment. He thought he'd known this man but somehow Phil Coulson had hidden an important part of his life away.

"How long has this been in your wallet?" Cameron inquires

"About 29 years" Phil answers and Cameron shakes his head again.

"And how many people know it's there?" He presses

"Five" the older man answers "well I suppose, six now" he concludes. There is an awkward, pregnant silence that hangs over the men before Phil finally snatches back his photo.

"Look… I'm telling you now because you need to know why I won't help you cut your wife out of the loop." Phil tries to refocus the conversation "I resented my wife for years because she tried to protect me from the truth. Even if my son hadn't died that day I would still have been angry. I deserved the truth. I deserved to make my own decision with regard to my child. It was an irrational resentment. She was a good person and she was just trying to protect me, but I could have decided to leave the training earlier had she told me the truth. In trying to protect me, she took that decision away from me."

"Phil this isn't the same." Cameron argues "This isn't about our son it's about me."

"You are a family and you should never take away the right of a family member to make decisions about their loved ones. Would you want me to take that right away from you if the situation were reversed?" there is no response to the question. The younger man doesn't argue and Phil knows he has his answer.

"If she ever finds out that you and I took that decision away from her she'll never forgive us." He stands and points accusingly at the younger man "and that's fine for you Cameron. You'll be dead, a vegetable, or too crazy to care but I'll be left here with another regret and I have too many of my own regrets to start taking on yours." Phil lowers his hand at stares at Cameron.

"Okay" Cameron says softly.

"Okay" Phil nods in final agreement.

Cameron has a question he can't help but ask given the circumstances "Your child died of a terminal illness Phil…I'd think you would have a unique reason to be in favor of experimental treatments?"

Phil laughed out loud taking Cameron by surprise. The senior Agent had known the question would be asked and in the last few weeks, he'd spent many-a-sleepless night thinking about it. His son, Sitwell's mother, Soldiers and Agents he'd known throughout the years who died needlessly, right or wrong…these innocents were his justification.

"We tried lots of experimental drugs." He finally offered by way of response "Nothing worked, just caused him more pain."

"So…given the opportunity, you wouldn't have injected him with this drug?"

"Oh, I would have done it in a heartbeat" Agent Klein is startled by the lack of hesitation "there wasn't anything I wouldn't have tried…but that doesn't make it right." He smiled tightly "Like you said there's nothing like having a child who depends on you…" he trails off.

"so" a beat "what happened to your wife?" Kelin presses.

Coulson looks back up at the other man. He seems, for all the world, like a man wo doesn't wish to revisit this part of his life and suddenly Cameron can't fault the man for being secretive.

"Oh you know we were young and stupid." He starts "We loved each other in our own way but we probably wouldn't have married if not for our son. There wasn't much keeping us together after he died." He admitted "She's happy now. She has a new family. Last I heard she lives in Hartford."

"and you never wanted to try again?"

Coulson just laughed and clapped the younger man on the back "Didn't you listen to the story Cameron. The illness was passed on through my side of the gene pool. I have infected swimmers. I couldn't risk doing that to another kid. I'm actually fixed." Phil made a snipping motion with his fingers in an effort to make light of the situation but shame radiated off the older man in waves.

Cameron considered that he had known this man for many years but had never understood him until now.

"Wow" Cameron pauses "Okay…well…wow." He doesn't know how to proceed so he just says what he thinks is right "Listen, I know it's not my place but you should tell more people about your son."

Phil quirks his head and knits his eyebrows "Why?" he asks simply

"I don't know…It's just" the younger man struggles "Part of knowing someone is understanding the experiences that shaped them. Finding out you had a child… I think…you know… we'll that figures. A lot of things make sense now that didn't before" Cameron clears his throat and imagines the next part might be crossing some invisible line but he's dying so he doesn't really care "plus you should want to show people that photo. He was a cute kid. I bet he was a good kid. I wouldn't mind hearing about him."

Phil just shuffles nervously.

"alright" He shuts down the conversation with authority "story time is over. I'll see you in the morning." And Coulson heads for the door.

"Phil" the younger man calls out. Phil stops and regards the younger man expectantly.

"Thanks" Cameron says with a grateful smile

Phil returns a shy smile of his own, and bows his head in slight embarrassment before he turn and leaves Cameron alone with his thoughts.


	9. Chapter 9

Two weeks after GH-325 trials begin, the illnesses in all six patients had been eradicated and so far none of them had suffered any noticeable side effects. They had improved so dramatically that he and Dr. Goodman had discussed releasing them within a week.

During his two week stay at the Guest House, Coulson had been battling an extended sense of unease from which he was just beginning to emerge. A sense of dread had settled like a singularity in the pit of his stomach and he hadn't been able to eat or sleep beyond the minimum amount required to sustain life. The cold, prison-like quarters at the Guest House hadn't helped his unease and his lack of scientific knowledge with regard to the program he was expected to manage left him feeling impotent.

An experienced Agent was smart enough to know when he was in over his head and Coulson vowed never again to manage anything that was both morally questionable and completely outside his area of expertise.

He has, after all, been forced to make decisions that were morally ambiguous before. He was an Agent of SHIELD and his job had often forced him to make decisions in the gray area. Phil's continued sense of dread forced him to consider the main difference between this project and every other mission he'd been assigned.

It was within the comparison between his current mission and his previous missions that Phil found the source of his angst. He recognized that he wasn't qualified to make these decisions. He wasn't qualified to manage the people making these decisions and frankly neither was Fury. Even if going ahead with these experiments was the right decision he wasn't the right person to make that decision. Unfortunately he had come to this realization too late and for the past two weeks he had lay awake in his quarters every night with his stomach churning, wondering what kind of consequences he may have to live with for the rest of his life.

But today Phil Coulson was going to sleep all night. He ate an entire Hamburger without feeling queasy and bought a six pack that he was going to down before catching a full eight hours. Yes he had made a mistake but God hadn't seen fit to punish him or his patients for that mistake. It looked like the experiment was a complete success.

When he woke earlier that morning and completed patient interviews with six apparently healthy individuals, he finally started to believe that maybe he wouldn't have to watch these agents fall victim to some horrific side effects and the knot in his stomach finally started to loosen.

Phil was on beer number two when he got the call.

He was concerned when he saw who it was.

"Natasha?" he asked before the woman on the other end could greet him "What's wrong?"

"It's Sitwell" she says bluntly "It's bad. A quin jet is on the way to pick you."


	10. Chapter 10

Phil hauls his duffel bag up over his shoulder as the rear hatch of the Quin Jet lowers. Once on board he heads to the cock pit. He smiles widely when he sees the pilot.

"I was wondering where they were going to get a pilot on such short notice when everyone was out on that Nuke exercise" Phil throws his bag down and straps himself into the passenger seat.

"Yeah well it's a favor Phil" Melinda May glares at him from the pilots seat and hits the button to raise the rear hatch "Not a sign that I'm leaving administration."

Phil smiles and then frowns. Normally Phil would attempt to capitalize on any opportunity to convince Melinda to leave administration and rejoin the land of the living but tonight Jasper Sitwell is dying.

"What in the hell happened?" He asks "Natasha wouldn't explain over the phone"

"They think its polonium but they can't know for sure until he's…"

"What?"

"The same stuff they used to kill Alexander Litvinenko in 07"

"Radiation poisoning?" His voice upticks in disbelief.

"Yeah" there was disgust in her voice "Fucking Russians" she shakes her head "Apparently Jasper went to a lunch meeting a week and a half ago with a couple of officials we thought were friendly. He started getting sick about a day later. It's been so long since we've had any problems with the Russians that none of them even considered that Jasper may have been poisoned. At first he just thought he had the flu."

"and there is nothing they can do?"

"No" she says stoically "I'm sorry Phil…I know the two of you are close"

The pair pass the rest of the trip in relative silence. Phil knows what Sitwell is going to ask when he arrives. He also knows what his response will be.

When he walks into Jasper Sitwell's hospital room, Phil spots Clint slouched in the corner, drifting in an out of consciousness in an uncomfortable chair. His cloths are dusty and he looks like he could use a good shower. Natasha is sitting by Jasper's bedside. Her clothes look just as worn as her partner's but she sits with perfect posture and, as always, she looks like she just got eight hours of sleep and is ready to run a marathon. In as much as Natasha appears to be her usual, unflappable self, there is something abnormal about the scene. There is something soft and sad in her eyes and in a wildly uncharacteristic gesture of kindness, she is holding Jasper's hand. She stands as Phil enters and nods her head in a wordless greeting.

"How is he?" Phil asks.

"Sleeping at the moment." She smiles tightly and still grasps his hand "He claims he isn't in too much pain."

Jasper appears to be sleeping peacefully but he is as pale as a sheet, he's lost a noticeable about of weight and his eyebrows are gone.

"How long?" He turns his attention back to Natasha.

"The doctors are saying he might not make it past tomorrow."

He holds Natasha's gaze, trying to place the emotion there. He thinks he sees guilt but that is simply not possible because Natasha Romanov doesn't believe in guilt. Eventually she lowers her head and now Phil is really shocked because Natasha doesn't look away.

"I told Jasper to go to the meeting with the Russians" and Phil suddenly feels like a priest hearing confession "He told me he wasn't comfortable with the idea. His Russian isn't all that good. He doesn't know how to read them but I thought his _American-ness_ might play to our advantage. It was dumb. I know these people. I know everything about them. I should have…."

"I think you are placing way too much stock in your ethnicity Nat" Coulson interrupts "Russia is a big frigging country and being from there doesn't make you an expert on everything that any Russian is going to do….Don't be ridiculous. Besides" he smiles "A wise woman once told me that guilt is a waste of time."

"A foolish bitch once told you that"

Phil winces. Sometimes when Natasha wants to end an argument quickly, she just makes the conversation intentionally uncomfortable. Normally he'd back off because really it wasn't worth it but right now she was being ridiculous.

"A truth is a truth Agent…your personal impression of the messenger doesn't really matter and that phrase happens to be true in this case." He glares at her.

"You can deal with your guilt when I'm dead" whispers Jasper sarcastically. Phil and Natasha's heads dart towards him in surprise "and for the record…I do blame you Natasha." He smiles "I think for my last few hours on this earth you should have to be my personal slave."

In response to the comment, Natasha pauses and slowly lowers herself to Jasper's eye level. She leans in close…really close, to Jaspers face. Then she stares at him intensely. Jasper swallows under her gaze. Even Phil doesn't know where she is going with the action. Then she pinches Jasper's hand hard.

"Ouch" he howls "I'm a dying man dammit"

"Shut up Jasper" She drops his hand.

"Boss, tell her to be nice to me" he wines mockingly.

Barton, who had woken shortly after Phil entered the room, chose that moment to join the trio by Jasper's bedside.

"You look like Shit Barton" Sitwell says weekly

"Well at least that's an exception for me and not the rule." The archer yawns and stretches.

The room becomes quiet and Sitwell turns his gaze toward Phil.

"Phil how is it going with the thing?" the younger man asks intensely. "You know the thing you told me about"

_Dammit Jasper real discreet_ the Agent muses and he coughs awkwardly. Phil knew that he and Jasper were going to be having this conversation. He thought he might get a minute but looking at Jasper's pale feigning frame he's not surprised that the younger man is rushing the conversation along.

"I just want…" Stiwell is interrupted when Phil holds up a finger and makes a grunting noise. Then the older man turns to Clint and Natasha.

"Can you two give us a minute." He asks. When the two hesitate Phil adds "I'll explain in a minute but for now…." Phil gestures to the door and the two Agents shake their heads and exit.

Once Romanov and Barton are out of the room Jasper immediately begins to plead his case.

"I know you must have been doing trials boss." He starts "I haven't heard from Stevens in weeks. I want in."

"Jasper" he starts "Listen"

"No listen. If there is hope you have to let me try. Please…I don't want to die. Not like this. Not if I don't have to." Jasper Grabs Phil's hand "It's working isn't it" Phil sighs and Jasper continues.

And that's the damndable truth isn't it. He had chosen to help six. Who was he to deny Jasper? Who is he to deny anyone? Who is he to save or to deny anyone? Coming into this room he knew Jasper would ask about the GH program and Phil also knew he was going to grant the request but again he found himself faced with the inconvenient truth that he shouldn't be making this decision.

"Okay" he says quietly.

"Okay?" Jasper repeats…stunned

"Yes Jasper I am going to include you."

Jasper smiles tiredly "So there is hope"

"There is always hope Jasper" he almost laughs as he says it "Until there's not." A beat "before we do this you will watch every video we have on this thing and you'll understand the potential consequences."

"Okay" agrees Jasper

"Okay" repeats Phil. He lets go of Jaspers hand "I'm gonna go get your friends and tell them to say their goodbyes. There is a hope that it may not be your last goodbye but there is also the reality that it may very well be. I suggest you don't leave anything unsaid." He stares solemnly at the younger man. Jasper nods his head in understanding.

Phil finds Barton and Romonov waiting eagerly outside the hospital room.

"What was that about?" asks Romanov

Phil scratches the back of his head nervously "There is something experimental we might be able to try."

A beat "What you mean like a treatment? You can treat polonium." Barton adds and he crosses his arms. If he's honest he was a little perturbed about being asked to leave the room. He trusts Phil implicitly but he was wary of any situation involving awkward, hushed side conversations that required people to be shooed out of a room abruptly.

"Maybe… I don't know we'll see." Phil says tiredly

"Wait" Barton scoffs and puts a hand to his head "What do you mean _something experimental_? You're gonna experiment on Jasper…"

"That's great" Natasha cuts off Barton unexpectedly and directs a hopeful smile at Phil. Both men turn a surprised gaze towards the assassin. Usually she uses the same maneuver in reverse when she is immediately supportive of Barton and wants Phil to go with his course of action without argument. Both men are surprised to see her using the gesture to support Phil and stifle Barton's impending argument. "That's really great."

"I am going to have to take him to another facility as soon as possible so you two should say your goodbyes."

"Why can't we come?" Barton presses tersely

"Because you can't Clint, and furthermore you can never speak of this again. You can never ask me another question about it."

"What? If it's so top secret then how do we know it's the best thing for Jasper"

"You don't know it's the best thing, and to address your first question the answer is yes; I am going to experiment on Jasper. I don't want to." Phil answers simply "but it's what he wants. Go talk to him about it."

Barton's eyes are hard and filled with mistrust but Natasha grabs his arm and forces him to meet her eyes

"It's hope Clint" she glares back "You can't take that away."

Clint's eyes soften and then he turns his gaze back to Phil. "what are his odds?"

"I can't tell you that. I'll just tell you the same thing I told him. I wouldn't leave anything unsaid."

Barton shakes his head knowingly and the two specialists go to say goodbye to their friend. Phil goes to requisition another Quin Jet.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

It's a six hour plane ride to the Guesthouse and at some point in the middle of Doctor Voung's research video, Jasper starts to fade fast. At first Phil just thinks the other man is reacting to the cold brutality of the images in the video but the obvious sweating turns into fits of coughing followed by productive coughing. As Jasper drifts in and out of consciences it becomes clear that they don't have much time unless Phil is willing to cross the post-mortem injection boundary which he and Doctor Goodman have silently agreed not to cross.

Phil orders Doctor Goodman to prep a room for Jasper's arrival, and she briefs Sitwell on the potential side effects via video teleconference while the Quin jet speeds towards its destination.

"This is uncharted territory Agent Sitwell" Goodman explains "The radiation is rapidly degrading your body and we just don't know how the GH Serum will repair the damage."

"I understand Doctor he says firmly." he then turns to Phil "I don't care. I want to try this. I understand okay."

"Okay" Phil responds.

Jasper doesn't speak again.

When the Quin jet arrives at the Guesthouse two orderlies are waiting as the hatch lowers. They move jasper onto a gurney and roll him into an operating room. Doctor Goodman is already dressed in scrubs and prepping the GH 325 serum.

The orderlies make quick work of Jasper's clothing and start placing Leeds on his chest. The too slow beeping of a heart rate monitor fills the room as Doctor Goodman does prep work in the background. The orderlies slide a hospital gown over Jasper, pull a blanket up to his waist and stand off to the side.

Phil slides his hand into Jasper's. The younger man squeezes weakly.

"You ready?" Phil asks as he touches the side of Sitwell's cheek comfortingly with his free hand. Jasper doesn't have the energy to move or speak so he shakes his head in the affirmative. Keeping his eyes open is becoming more of a chore and Jasper can feel himself slipping away.

"Hey" A soft smile is on Coulson's lips as he speaks "I'm proud of you. I'm a lucky man to have been your S.O. There are people here that love you. I want you to know that." and Jasper can't respond. He can't tell Phil that he trusts him and that he loves him too… so he hopes the tears streaming down his face say more than words.

"Okay Agent Sitwell it's time" Doctor Goodman steps into Jasper's field of view. "I am going to ask these men to come over and hold you down because as previously discussed you may experience seizures. Shake your head yes if you accept this" Jasper shakes his head in the affirmative and the two orderlies reappear and take up position on either side of him.

"I will now inject you with the GH 325 serum. This is an experimental drug of alien origin. Its effects are not fully understood, nor are we aware of the potential side effects. Any treatments required after injection, including surgeries, will have to be completed without the use of sedatives and will be painful. If you feel you have been adequately briefed on the potential consequences and you still wish to proceed please shake your head yes." Jasper's eyes slam shut and he squeezes Phil's hand with all his remaining strength as he shakes his head in the affirmative.

"Very well" a beat "Gentlemen" Goodman looks pointedly at the orderlies. One orderly grabs Jasper's upper body and the other grabs his legs. Phil squeezes the cold hand in his. The older man can see the fear in Jasper's eyes even though Sitwell can barely keep them open any longer.

Jasper goes limp the moment the injection is pumped into his body. His eyes slam shut in sudden slumber as the doctor removes the needle. Everyone in the room exchanges nervous, pointed glances. Nothing happens for what seems like an eternity…and then suddenly…the heart rate monitor begins to beep angrily and Jasper grows taught like a stretched rubber band. His whole body jerks off the bed violently and he freezes with his chest arched in the air like a man possessed. Phil and the two orderlies hold Sitwell loosely on the bed as he convulses to prevent him from injuring himself.

Some of the other patients had experienced seizures after injection but not for more than a minute. Doctor Goodman looks at Phil nervously as Jasper continues to convulse for a full five minutes. She had speculated that Jasper wouldn't need surgery but there was no way to know for certain. The radiation had wreaked havoc on his body and they just weren't certain how badly his internal organs had been damaged and thus how likely it was that the GH serum might not regenerate his organ tissue properly. As his convulsing continues past the seven and then the ten minute mark Phil says a silent prayer.

And then…somewhere at the fifteen minute mark…Sitwell stills.

Phil, the orderlies and Doctor Goodman all share a nervous look and then Phil reaches for the patient's neck.

"I feel a pulse" he says

Doctor Goodman moves to check the monitor readings. The orderlies who had broken their stoic mold somewhere at the seven minute mark stare nervously at Doctor Goodman. Phil looks down at Jasper who looks like he's sleeping and then he looks back at Goodman…awaiting the verdict.

Goodman smiles "Pulse, heart rate, BP" a beat "All normal".

The room is silent for a moment before one of the orderlies finally breaks the silence.

"Phew! Sweet Baby Jesus!" The orderly yells loudly. He puts a hand on his heart and leans back dramatically. "That was nuts. Let's never do that again." The orderly laughs and claps the other on the back.

"I agree" The other man adds "That was a little too much suspense for my taste."

Phil nods his head in agreement and laughs in relief. "Yup" he whispers to no one in particular "I'm definitely done with this shit." And he pulls the blanket up all the way over his now sleeping friend.

"You want us to take him to a recovery room Doctor?"

"Yes please." She responds politely "Thank you Gentlemen."

The two young orderlies prep Sitwell to be moved. Phil is satisfied that his friend is resting peacefully and approaches Doctor Goodman who is regarding the monitor printout with what can only be described as awe.

"Everything okay Doctor?" he asks

She shakes her head in disbelief "More than okay." She laughs "He's healthy as a horse. It's amazing. Look at this" she hands him the printout. "I thought maybe with his condition there would be a recovery time but everything is normal. It's like it never even happened." she smiles brightly. "I think your friend is going to be okay Agent Coulson."

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

Phil walks down the hall towards the Guesthouse interview area with a little pep in his step.

"Ferguson, McCormick. Good morning" He cheerfully greets the two orderlies who wave back and buzz him into the interview area.

Coulson visited Jasper that morning. His friend was already wandering the halls and bugging Phil and Doctor Goodman about a release date. On top of that good news, today Coulson would get to tell his other six patients they could be released as early as tomorrow.

"Who do you want to see first sir?" asks the orderly as Phil sits and unfolds Agent Steven's medical file on the metal counter in front of him.

"Call down Agent Stevens if you would." He asks politely "Thanks McCormick"

"No problem Sir"

Its a few minutes before Phil sees Agent Stevens tentatively push open the interview room door. While he waits he reviews the medical file in front of him and preps his notes. When Stevens finally does arrive, she is looking slightly more frazzled than normal. She takes the seat across from Phil and sits with her hands crossed in her lap. Phil tilts his head and knits his eyebrows together in confusion. _Something is definitely wrong_ he thinks, buts he still proceeds with the interview. He has done 41 interviews at this point and he always starts with the same question.

"How are you feeling today?"

Stevens looks at the ground and then at him. "I…" she starts "I just…I don't know."

"You don't know?" and that's when Phil gets the sense that the proverbial other shoe is about to drop.

"I can't explain" she stammers "just…" her eyes dart around the room in what appears to be paranoia and then they land on his hands. He looks down at his own hands. _Nothing out of the ordinary there_ he thinks. "I…can I have that?" she points to the pen in his hand.

"Um" he hesitates "sure." He hands her the pen slowly. As his hand move towards Stevens, she stares at the object in is hand like a dog stares at a pork-chop.

When she takes the pen from him she continues to stare at it for a few minutes before removing the cap. From the back of the room Phil sees McCormick move to intercede. Phil waves him off and allows Stevens to continue… and then…the other shoe doesn't just drop….it drops, it explodes, it kicks Phil in the nuts a few times and leaves a trail of devastation in its wake.

Agent Steven starts to draw…something. He doesn't know what. Lines Circles, diamonds, dots…. Stevens draws for hours. She draws on the table. She draws on the floors and the walls. They let her continue. Coulson and the orderlies discuss when they should intercede or even if they should intercede. They let her continue. After several hours she stops. Coulson and McCormick had stayed to monitor her. McCormick is sitting on the concrete and Phil remains in his cold steel interview chair. Both men are surprised when she finally stops. Both men stare at her with trepidation. Finally she turns from her work and looks at Phil. She is sweating and panting and there is fear in her eyes.

"What's happening to me?" she asks desperately.

"I don't know" he answers honestly with fear in his own eyes as he rises from his seat and approaches her tentatively "but we're going to do our best to figure it out."

She nods slowly

"When did this start?" he asks

"I woke up this morning feeling this…drive and when I saw your pen" she pauses "I just had to do that."

"And how do you feel now?"

"Better" she admits.

Phil sighs and grabs the young woman by the shoulders in a comforting gesture.

"I think we need to bring you to Doctor Goodman to see if anything has changed physically before we proceed." Stevens simply nods.

Things deteriorate quickly after that. Within a few days all of the patients begin showing similar symptoms of mental degradation. Some loose the ability to function within hours. Some experience the effects more gradually. Not all of the symptoms are uniform with one exception…the writing. All six patients seem driven to recreate the same pattern. Some draw, some carve, Cameron started using objects around the Playground to recreate the design, but even if the materials were different, the pattern was always the same.

Phil sends the drawings to HQ. They cross check the drawings against every known database and there is nothing to be found.

Three days after Stevens graffities the interview room, some of the other patients start to become violent either to themselves or others. Phil knows that he has to do something when Cameron starts bashing his head into the wall and the orderlies are forced to restrain him. Several more patients attempt to commit suicide after that.

_TRANSCRIPT_

_"They're getting worse every day. We're losing them. We need to shut down the program."_

_"This isn't a failure Agent Coulson. It's a first step. We rejuvenated life."_

_"This isn't life. We need to shut it down and destroy the host."_

_"You can't do that. It's thousands of years old pre-dating the pyramids. We've barely scratched the surface of the benefits"_

_"These are human beings. Not lab rats. I'm contacting Fury."_

_"There's still hope for them. The hosts genetic material may be imprinting its own genetic memories onto theirs, creating a psychic schism. If we were to completely wipe away all their memories…"_

_"Erase their minds? That's hope?"_

_"We can give them new memories, new identities. They'll never be Agents again but they'll be able to live normal, healthy lives."_

_END TRANSCRIPT_

Agent Sebastian Derik is the last patient to lose the ability to function. The orderlies catch the older man carving symbols into his body. It becomes apparent that Derik has no regard bone or artery as he carves deep into his forearm. Doctor Goodman prevents him from bleeding out on the Guesthouse floor.

Phil agrees to the process immediately when it becomes apparent that it's their only hope to save them. No one knows what the progression of the apparent mental illness is doing to the patient's brains so they move quickly.

"We need to proceed as quickly as possible" Doctor Stevens insists. "The CT scans are showing growing abnormalities. I just don't know when or if the damage becomes irreversible. There is a specialist I would normally bring in and I'd try to minimize the memory loss to the greatest extent possible but with their rate of deterioration I think we simply need to erase their association with SHIELD completely and do it quickly."

Phil shakes his head. He's reminded again of the fact that he simply shouldn't be making these decisions, but unfortunately….he's the only one that can.

"Okay" he scrubs a hand over his face "You set it up. Cameron has a family. I'll need to talk to them." He sighs "and we cannot remove those memories. Nothing with family understood."

"If he met them after he joined SHIELD" the Doctor began "I'm not sure he can keep them."

"Well I happen to know that he rather be dead than live without them so you better figure out something."

A sigh "okay…but that's going to be difficult. I can't promise there won't be further complications."

"Well right now it seems like were just shooting in the dark anyways" he states curtly. "Correct me if I'm wrong but we don't really even know if this will save any of them, right."

"No" she admits easily "but if you simply erase memories and record over them so to speak, all you have to worry about is whether or not this…illness… will persist in spite of the memory replacement. We've never tried to alter some memories and retain others on the same timeline. It far more complicated and frankly it's never been done, so even if the memory replacement works and helps to treat the symptoms associated with the Alien DNA…you'll also have to worry about the minds ability to accept a combination of real and implanted memories on the same timeline."

Phil scrubs his hands over his face "Well…like I said, he'd rather be dead or crazy then loose the memories of his wife and son. They are the only reason he is here in the first place. We have to try."

"Okay" she nods knowingly

Phil spends the next 8 hours on the phone with HQ, witness relocation and Cameron's wife. He spends the next 48 hours after that listening to the heart wrenching screams of his six patients as they lay on the operating table, brain exposed with no sedatives to relieve the pain.

"You don't have to be here" Doctor Goodman tells him tiredly as she opens the door to the observation room, removes her gloves and throws them in a trash bin. They had just finished with patient four and were in a brief interlude before moving on to the most difficult patient…Cameron…_or should I say Hank_ Phil thought sadly about the new names witness relocation had given each of his patients.

"Yes I do" he finally replied.

Cameron is dragged in twenty minutes later. Phil's former Agent has refused to move since the orderlies had prevented him from bashing his own head into a concrete wall. Phil feels sick when they strap him down. He watches his friend scream in agony for hours and he's lost…

_"What have we done?" _

Coulson is on the verge of collapse from lack of sleep when he finally send's Doctor Goodman to bed after their last Patient is finally resting in the recovery room. The six Agents drift uncomfortably in and out of sleep but they won't remember the worst of it. Coulson doesn't think he can stay on his feet anymore but he still has one thing to do before he can sleep.

He hadn't seen Jasper in days. Their seventh patient had been completely isolated from the rest of the group. He hadn't really had the chance to sit down since everything went south. They checked in on Jasper to make sure he wasn't showing symptoms but he was two weeks behind the other patients. He likely wouldn't show any signs for another week.

When Phil pushes open the door to Jaspers cabin the younger man is splayed out on his bed.

"Hey boss" the younger man says cheerfully "I thought you'd forgotten about me." He beams. "It's cool though I've reached level fifteen on Brick breaker"

"Jasper…."

"It's been much easier for me to progress now that you're not here to snatch the phone out of my hand and task me with things."

"Jasper…." Coulson tries to cut in meekly.

"Don't get me wrong I've enjoyed this unfettered access to games and all but I'm ready to start working again. I feel great."

"Jasper" Phil still tries to break in but he won't raise his voice. He's too tired. And that's when Jasper finally seems to take stock of the older man. Phil's clothes are worn and there is a few days of growth on his usually clean shaven face. The older man looks impossibly tired.

"Geez boss you look like crap. Everything all right?"

Phil Sighs deeply "Jasper I have something I need to tell you…"

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

A week later Doctor Goodman and Coulson meet with Sitwell in his quarters to discuss his future treatment. Sitwell's behavior had become subdued since Phil told him about the other patients. His quirky jokes had become less prevalent since the younger man learned he may be on the brink of insanity and the only treatment is to erase his memories.

"How are they fairing so far?" Jasper asks quietly. "The others I mean?"

"They are doing fine but it's only been a week. We'll have to wait and see if this is a long term solution."

SHIELD had defined Jasper Sitwell for almost half of his life. The idea that his entire career is about to be taken from him is devastating. The people he's met, the things he has done. They have become his family, his greatest accomplishments. Would he even be Jasper Sitwell without them? He wasn't certain that this was preferable to death. He wouldn't ask for death. He had made this choice and he'd known the risks. He wouldn't do that to Phil but he wasn't sure he wouldn't prefer it all the same.

"Listen" Phil's voice interrupts Jasper's reverie "We need to discuss some things and we need to talk about possible future treatment options but just keep in mind that you haven't even begun to display symptoms yet Jasper. We are still hoping that somehow you're immune."

Jasper looks at the ground and laughs. Phil and Doctor Goodman share a confused look.

"What's so funny?" Goodman asks.

Phil's heart drops as Jasper gets up and pulls out a stack of papers from under his mattress and presents them to the doctor. The pages are filled with the same nonsensical scrawl drawn by the other six patients.

"When did this start?" Coulson asks.

"This morning" comes Jasper's whispered reply.

"Okay" says Coulson "Okay well we knew this was probably going to happen. We've been expecting this outcome for a week. The good news is we may have a sliver of hope for you."

"Hope?" Jasper questions

"Yes Jasper there's always hope."

"Until there isn't" the younger man finishes solemnly.

Dr Goodman smiles a bit and pats the younger man on the knee. "I'm not going to pretend the option were about to offer you is great. I'm not going to promise you anything, but I think you'll find that there is indeed hope Agent Sitwell."

"Okay Doc." He says with a sad smile "lay it on me"

"Well, with all the other patients we had to act quickly. Luckily you were weeks behind everyone else so we had some time to prepare for the possibility that you may start to exhibit the same symptoms." A beat "One patient has a spouse and child. We were able to salvage the memories that pertained to his family. It's still too early to tell…but so far he seems to be doing just as well as the other patients." She continues "We've spoken to a specialist who has far more experience in neuro surgery than I and he believes there is a good chance he can minimize the memory loss."

"What do you mean?"

Coulson pipes up "He thinks you can retain most of your memories Jasper. He thinks he can isolate the memory loss to just those instances that deal with Project TAHITI."

"You're serious" he says happier than he's been in days.

"Yes Jasper we are, but there are more risks associated with this. Even if this treatment completely cures your reaction to the Alien DNA, you may have other mental issues related to the dual realities implanted in your mind. You could end up drooling in your jello somewhere… I don't want to sugar coat it."

Jasper Smiles. It's wide and genuine this time. "But there's hope" the younger man says with a twinge of humor in his eyes. Coulson can't help but smile back.

"There's always hope Jasper."

"We've brought in the specialist to speak with you about the risks about the procedure. Do you want to speak to him?"

"Of course" he confirms happily.

Doctor Goodman disappears into the hallway for a moment. When she re-enters she is trailed by a regal looking gentleman in his forties with white hair and glasses. The man smiles pleasantly.

"Agent Sitwell this is Doctor Whitehall." She says by way of introduction "He's an incredibly experienced and talented neuro surgeon." She beams "without a doubt the best at SHIELD and possibly in the world."

Jasper stands and the two men shake hands.

"Nice to meet you Doctor. I'm told you may be able to spare my memories?" Jasper smiles broadly

"Well most of them I hope." He remarks pleasantly.

"Most is more than none Doctor."

Doctor Whitehall's smile widens. When Doctor Goodman had called him for the consult he could scarcely believe it. This Agent…a level six Agent, with substantial access and knowledge, was about to be handed over to him. The experimentation with memory replacement would be an incredible opportunity but more important, if the experiments worked then Jasper Sitwell was going to make an invaluable asset for Hydra. Director Pierce will be ecstatic.

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

When Jasper Sitwell wakes, he sees a man he hates sleeping in the chair next to his bed. His head hurts and his body aches.

Phil Coulson sits, rather uncomfortably, in a sparsely cushioned hospital chair. His head is thrown back against the sterile white wall, his mouth is slightly agape and his neck is craned at an awkward enough angle to produce something akin to snoring…but not quite. Phil's breathe escapes in an odd wheeze and Sitwell finds it endearing and disgusting all at the same time. His memories of the man who sits before him are a jumble of fond and hate filled recollections.

He wants to wake the man in the chair and ask for some water but Jasper remembers the things the slumbering Agent had done. He remembers a much younger version of Phil Coulson standing over the lifeless body of his mother when Jasper was only a child and then he remembers why he joined HYDRA in the first place… because of what SHIELD had done to him.

Jasper tries to keep calm. He tries to keep the heart monitor at a steady pace in an effort to avoid waking the man he hates. He tries to focus on what brought him here and then he remembers…

He had fallen during a mission. He was planting an explosive on the side of a train carrying three senators who were attempting to introduce new legislation…_Wait that can't be right_? Jasper's musings interrupt his recollection. _I don't like politicians… but I wouldn't kill them, why would I kill them. Oh God did I kill them?_ _It's my job to protect people…even if they disagree with me. _

But he had killed them. He had killed a lot of people because he is, apparently, a man who believes in harmony, perfection, order and peace, a peace that can only be achieved through total control. Without this control, men like Phil Coulson murder the innocent.

_But I murdered the innocent... to protect the innocent? That logic…it just doesn't make any sense. I can't possibly believe that! _

Jasper can hear the heart monitor pick up as his inner monologue becomes more tumultuous. He can't seem to calm himself because how can he be a good man if he did those things, if he believes those things? Why should anyone other than Phil Coulson pay for the crimes of Phil Coulson? It made his head spin.

_God I can't believe these things…can I? _He wants to cover his face and cry so he jerks out of bed involuntarily.

"I don't believe that" he says out loud.

His enemy jerks awake suddenly. He is at Jaspers side in an instant. The older man places one hand on the side of Jaspers face and uses the other to grab Jaspers hand affectionately. His enemy urges him to "lie down"

"I don't believe that do I?" Jasper asks the older man desperately.

The older man looks at Jasper with confusion. "Jasper, you were in an accident, calm down." he ignores the question.

Jasper lays back and stares at the face of his supposed enemy. The man's eyes are filled with concern and none of it makes any sense. He can't ask the questions he'd like because this man is evil and Jasper must betray him someday. So he keeps quiet. Tears run silently down his face as the memories of the things he has come to believe seem to conflict with his conscience. They sit like this for several moments. Jasper is clearly distressed and Phil is desperate to help. _How can I help when I don't even understand what's wrong_ He muses.

"Jasper, talk to me." Phil squeezes the younger man's hand and rubs his cheek in an effort to coax a response out of him.

"I'm going to go get your Doctor. I'll be right back" Phil lets go and Jasper is surprised to find that he misses Phil when he leaves.

Phil returns moments later with regal, silver haired, gentleman in tow. The silver haired man in the lab coat flashes a warm smile and it puts Sitwell at ease. Jasper recognizes the doctor as a friend.

Doctor Whitehall recruited Jasper after SHIELD had killed his mother. He had given him everything…including the opportunity for revenge.

"Hello Agent Sitwell. Glad to see you're back with us. How are you feeling?" The doctor asks warmly.

Sitwell can't speak plainly to the Doctor with Coulson in the room. His reservations must be written on his face because the doctor soon asks Coulson to leave.

"Agent Coulson" he looks back at the other man "Would you mind if I have a moment alone with my patient?"

Phil almost protests but when he looks at Jasper… he can sense that the younger man wants to be alone with his Doctor. Phil gives Jasper a shy, sad smile.

"Yes of course" he says "I'll be right outside if you need me." Coulson quietly exits.

Jasper sighs in relief once Phil is clear of the room.

"Agent Sitwell, how are you feeling?" Whitehall asks

"Confused" he whispers almost conspiratorially "what happened?"

"You fell during an operation. We had to use some controversial treatment. Some of it may have affected your memories? What do you recall?"

Jasper looks left and looks right

"Hail Hydra?" he whispers in a fearful tone.

"Yes Agent Sitwell" the Doctor smiles "hail Hydra indeed"

"I don't understand. How could I kill those people? Why would I kill them?"

"To protect people" Whitehall answers without pause

"But that doesn't make sense?"

"Of course it does" he smiles pleasantly "Those senators could have helped introduce legislation that might expose Project Insight." He explains "They could destroy everything we've worked so hard to achieve"

"Yes but I just don't…." tears were escaping from the corner of his eyes "Why did we have to…" he felt like he couldn't breath "I just can't believe this is something I believe in. I want to protect people from violent people...not from people I don't agree with."

Whitehall sighs. He had really hoped that changing memories alone would be sufficient to change ideology but it's clear that the Agent's memories are at odds with his disposition and personality. Further action would be required to get the Agent to comply. The Doctor would have to move quickly to begin treatment. The man in the bed beneath him believes that Coulson and a team of SHIELD agents are responsible for the death of his mother. The memory will be more than sufficient to keep the new Hydra recruit from discussing his new allegiance with Coulson but it will only be a matter of time before he discusses his inhibitions with someone else or worse… turns himself in for crimes he committed in a universe that only exists in his head.

Whitehall was prepared for this possibility. Recruiting unwilling SHIELD agents to HYDRA by simply altering their memories had never been tried before. Whitehall knew it was risky but the opportunity to try new techniques was too good an opportunity to pass up. When Doctor Goodman approached him about Agent Sitwell he had to accept. A level seven Agent was a huge get for HYDRA and memory alteration was cutting edge. Unfortunately there is no accounting for personality. He knew he might bump up against it, and had been prepared for the possibility that Jasper Sitwell may have some problems with his own memories…so he pats the young man's hand.

"Listen to me" he sooths "You're confused right now but I promise that you're right about Coulson and your right about SHIELD." He pauses "They killed your mother. You remember right?"

Sitwell shakes his head in the affirmative.

"You need to remember that and we'll clear up everything else when you get better." He stands "If you have reservations about the plan I want to hear them. You're a good man Agent Sitwell. Don't worry about that right now. Just get better and we'll talk about the rest when you're healed okay? You can bring me all your questions."

Sitwell nods again. A sense of relief washes over him. He doesn't understand some of the things running through his head but as long as there is someone who will explain things to him he supposes he can just rest for now. His memories of Coulson come back clearer now. He remembers his undercover operation and he knows he can pretend to be the man's friend.

"I'm going to send back in Agent Coulson" Whitehall says "Can you handle it for a couple of more days?"

"Yes Sir" he smiles "I'm just glad to see a friendly face." He lays back and closes his eyes

When Whitehall walks outside he sees Coulson waiting cross-armed with a frown on his face.

"He seemed afraid of me" Phil says without pretext

"He's confused no doubt" Whitehall answers "we erased fewer memories which means that there are more actual memories to conflict with."

"Okay so what now?"

"He is confused but not lost. There are some other treatments that can help. Combined with therapy I think it's not as bad as you think."

Phil looks at the older man skeptically.

"More treatment?" he says harshly "That's your solution?"

"Agent Coulson it's a very non-invasive procedure that mostly just involves audio and visual effects. I promise it's nothing near as controversial as the techniques we've already employed to help your friend." He pauses "Go back in and talk to him. I think you'll find that he is feeling a little better and getting him back to where he needs to be is only going to require a little therapy. I'll even walk you through the procedure tomorrow."

"Okay" Coulson uncrosses his arms "You can walk me through it tomorrow and I'll want Dr. Goodman to sign off as well."

"Of course" nods Dr Whitehall "Tomorrow then"

Coulson disappears through his friend's hospital door. Once inside he finds Jasper more receptive to conversation but somehow there is an edge of discomfort in his subordinate's behavior. Eventually exhaustion overcomes the younger man and as Phil watches Jasper drift off to sleep he can't shake the feeling that something is wrong.

* * *

A week later, Jasper Sitwell finds himself standing in front of Doctor Whitehall's office with a multitude of questions. The behavior of his old S.O. (and current supervisor) as well as his SHIELD colleagues are completely out of line with the memories in his head. Jasper needs some answers so he steadies his nerves and knocks firmly.

"Come in. It's open" he hears from the other side

"Doctor" he greets calmly as he enters. Doctor Whitehall is seated behind a well kept burgundy desk. His large office is imposing and the walls are adorned with certifications, degrees and artwork.

"Nice office Doctor" Sitwell's nods, impressed.

"Agent Sitwell" Whitehall greets "Please sit" he motions to a leather couch "it's good to see you. How are you feeling?"

"Still have a bit of a headache and some crazy dreams…" he sits as directed "but I'm feeling better Doc. I'm ready for those answers we talked about."

Phil's constant attentiveness throughout his recuperation had worn on him. Jasper wanted to hate Coulson but everything he remembered about his boss was at odds with the affection and kindness that radiated off the man he was supposed to betray as did the behavior of most of his colleagues.

"And you will get answers Agent Sitwell but I'd like to get the first round of treatment out of the way first" Whitehall offered.

Goodman told him about the potential treatment. She told him it was his decision. He had proven that he was functional and both she and Coulson were content with his progress. They told him he could attend the therapy sessions at his discretion.

"To tell you the truth Doc I'm really here just to talk. Doctor Goodman told me that it's some kind of audio visual stimulus. I'm not sure I need that. My memories are a little confusing I'll admit but my mind is clear. I'd like to avoid anyone messing with my brain if it's all the same to you." He frowns "I just….I want to understand this Hydra stuff."

"And I will be happy to answer all of your questions but I need you to complete the first round of therapy first."

Jasper raises his eyebrows and shakes his head "Doc" he tone is exasperated "I don't need to watch a video I need you to answer my questions!"

Whitehall just shakes his head and sighs "I really was hoping this would be easier"

Jasper hears the two men emerge from the back room before he sees them. He pulls his gun as he turns around to confront them but before he can get a shot off, the two men have him and something pricks him from behind. He wants to fight his captors but in an instant his limbs turn to jelly and the world goes black.

When Jasper wakes again he is locked in a machine and his eyes are tapped open.

"Ah" Whitehall says from somewhere to his left "Good to have you back with us Agent Sitwell. I realize you have many questions but I think you'll find that after just one session….you'll be happy to comply.,.."

Doctor Whitehall changes the man who was Jasper Sitwell into someone who looks and speaks just like Jasper Sitwell, but will never quite be Jasper Sitwell again.


	15. Chapter 15

For this next chapter you are required to have watched "Thor", "The Avengers 1" and have a base knowledge of the timeline and characters. I'm just going to assume you do…because if you haven't then you're a rare nerd, and you're definitely a nerd if you're reading this (but not half the nerd I am for writing it).

* * *

FIVE DAYS BEFORE AVENGERS 1….

"Incoming call from Eric Selvig" chirps a robotic voice "Incoming call from Eric Selvig" it repeated.

Director Fury's far too young and enthusiastic aide had assured him that using voice commands to receive calls would be simpler. So far he hadn't been able to answer one call without complication.

"Accept call" Fury stated in accordance with the commands outlined on a sticky note in his aide's surprisingly neat cursive.

"Did you say REJECT CALL?" inquired the robotic voice.

"No" he shook his head in frustration. _Effing machine_ he mussed

"AX-CEPT CALL" he over pronounced loudly.

"Did you say reject call?" The machine repeated.

"You useless piece of crap" Fury knew the machine could care less about an old man's mindless ranting, but he still raged at the automated voice "We can make air craft carriers that fly but we can't figure this out?" his threw his hands in the air like a marionette and he stuttered in frustration "You haven't worked once…not once!"

A pause "Command not recognized" the automated voice tones matter-of-factly.

Fury rises from his desk with a sigh and manually presses the "answer" button. His video screen blinks to life and the frazzled figure of Eric Selvig appears before him.

"Director Fury" the older man greets.

"Doctor" fury bows his head gracefully "How is the clearance with NASA going?"

"In the works, actually that's what I called to talk about." A pause "I'm getting some altered readings from the tesseract that might influence their decision to allow us to begin testing."

"What do you mean?"

"Well you're aware we've been monitoring certain chemical properties and emissions for safety."

"Yes" Fury acknowledged

"Some of those readings have changed in a way that might make NASA suspect we've already begun testing."

"Why do you say that?" the Director inquires.

"Do you have any expertise in Chemistry, Bio Science, or Physics?"

Fury's face hardens. He knows what the Doctor is suggesting.

"You're telling me my brain is too puny to understand?" He asks sarcastically.

"No if I thought that I would have just said it." Selvig scoffed "What you need to understand is that the readings have changed and you are going to have to trust my judgement as a Scientist. This is the kind of thing that might cause them to shut us down."

Selvig had been reluctant to cooperate with SHIELD. The Doctor had a distrust of Government common among academics and scientists. Nick had thought it was a waste of time to recruit the man to aide in the study of items recovered after the Asgardian attack, but Coulson insisted that no matter what Selvig's feelings were with regard to SHIELD, he simply wouldn't be able to turn down an opportunity to study the tesseract. As was usual when it came to matters of recruitment… Coulson was right and Selvig had already proved invaluable.

"Okay so there are readings and you don't think I need to understand the problem but you still want me to do something about it?" Fury inquires in an irritated tone.

"Yes, yes I do. I need a bureaucrat. Send me a bureaucrat." Selvig states simply.

"I'm sorry?" the director's eyebrows quirk upward in amused confusion.

"Send me someone who can put together a quick investigation and has experience working with other Government agencies. If we show NASA that we haven't altered anything and address the problem before it's a problem I imagine well have no issues." A beat "Actually" The older man's face scrunches together in contemplation "you should send Agent Coulson. I can half-stand him. He seems adept at maneuvering bureaucracy and intelligent enough to understand the basic Science behind the issue. Plus he was in New Mexico so he already knows as much as anyone on the subject." A pause "Yes" Selvig shook his head as if he had just won an argument with himself. "You need to send Coulson and he should bring more security. I think whatever this thing is….it's big. It's powerful. "

"Agent Coulson is currently heading another project but I'll see what I can do."

"but you must…"

"You can't always get what you want Doctor" The director interrupts "but I'll make sure you get what you need." Fury hangs up before Selvig can respond.

The screen goes black and Nick scrubs his hands over his face. Selvig was right. Phil was the obvious choice to be site-commander at PEGASUS. He'd smooth over any problems with NASA with surgical precision and have a security plan functioning at peak efficiency within hours of his arrival…but Coulson had resigned unofficially a few days ago.

From the moment the TAHITI patients began to display symptoms, Fury watched through sporadic video updates from the Guest House as Coulson grew paler, skinnier and sank further into depression.

Jasper Sitwell hadn't adjusted as expected. Technically he was a model agent and a TAHITI success story by any tangible measure, but every Agent who had known the man prior to his treatment insisted that somehow, he wasn't the same man. Fury knew that Phil was mustering all of his strength to deal with the patient's initial melt down. Add to that the fact that one of his closest friends was now a stranger and it wasn't really surprising that Phil couldn't handle it when two of the initial test subjects relapsed and had to be brought back in.

_"I don't think I can do this anymore" Phil remarked sadly after bringing his boss up to speed on the latest developments._

_"I understand Phil." Fury smiled sadly "Once you wrap it up I promise I'll never put you on a project like this again."_

_"No" he said sternly "I mean I think I'm done here. I need to get out." He's looking through Nick as he speaks "Maybe I'll propose to Audry. Maybe I can still save my soul." His eyes are hollow._

_"Stop being so dramatic Phil you didn't just end the Tuskegee Experiments, okay" Fury narrowed his eyes "Your volunteers were well aware of the potential consequences and four out of six of them are living productive lives. We don't even know that the other two won't be more receptive to the memory replacement the second go around. _

_"It shouldn't have been me. I'm not qualified…"_

_"No it shouldn't have Phil" Fury admitted with regret in his voice "You were right I should have gotten someone else but it was just…_

_"too god to be true" the younger man smiled. _

_Silence hung in the air for a few seconds and Coulson smiled at his friend before he spoke. _

_"I know most people think I blindly do whatever you ask me too." He laughs "Sometimes I think even you believe that, but I follow your orders because I believe in them. I believe in you Nick. I always have. I still do and you've never given me an order I couldn't carry out…even the orders we've fought over. They never violated my conscience." Coulson wrings his hands and itches the top of his head like bugs are crawling under his skin. "Then you told me to do this and I did it." He continues "I knew I shouldn't and I did it anyways. I watched the consequences of that decision unfold first-hand and now I have to figure out how to live with it. I'm just not sure I can serve in this organization any longer if I've become the kind of man who will follow any order."_

_"Phil" Fury spoke softly and shook his head "You need to sleep okay. I'm not telling you what to do. I'm not even going to tell you that you're wrong because I know that's pointless but you know you can't make this kind of decision on fumes."_

_Phil smiled sadly._

_"I'll sleep on it Nick but I think this is for the best. Look for my resignation in the next video update…_

The final video update on the project made its way to the Director's inbox yesterday. He knew Phil's official resignation would probably be on it. He'd been putting of listening to it.

_Well no point putting it off any longer_ he scoffed internally

He sat down in his chair and opened yesterdays "level ten transmission". He clicked twice and Phil Coulson's face appeared amidst an impossibly dark background.

TRANSCRIPT FROM AGENTS OF SHIELD

_Good Morning Director Fury_

_I regret to inform you that I'm handing in my resignation. I know you brought me on to Project TAHITI because you trusted my judgement and it's that judgement that's telling me I can no longer in good conscience, let the testing continue. I understand you started the program to potentially save a mortally wounded Avenger, but the side effects are too extreme. We had initial success with the regenerative properties of the guest host tissue, but after the initial physical recovery, subjects began to deteriorate mentally, displaying hypo-graphia, aphasia, catatonia or just complete psychosis. We don't know if it was the biology at play or simply the awareness of what was done but the only course of action that showed any promise of stemming these side effects was memory replacement, erasing completely the awareness of what they had been through and even those results were very inconsistent. To be clear, I'm recommending the termination of project TAHITI. Under no circumstances should these procedures or drugs be administered to anyone, ever. The cost is far too great. Thank you Sir. _

"Well..." Fury said to an empty room "…Shit."


	16. Chapter 16

Phil called Audrey immediately after he sent his resignation video. He'd been avoiding contact for the last month. He couldn't bear to speak to her while the TAHITI project was falling apart.

Sometimes, when they were alone together, he and Audrey would watch the reality shows on her DVR. She would lay on him and he'd stroke her hair while she told him how wonderful he was. She would call him gracious for watching her crappy shows, even though he liked them just as much as she did. She would call him kind for coming to her concerts, even though he'd pay twice the price of admission to see her play. She would thank him for taking her to dinner or wearing a suit and trying to save the world every day. She puffed him up, and he loved her for it.

He knew if he called her; she'd support him. He'd say "it's classified" like he always did, and she would assure him that he was doing the right thing because "you always do the right thing Phil." He couldn't hear that from her now. He couldn't let her assure him that he wasn't a tyrant.

So he ignored her calls for the past month, because he was a coward. He knew she'd probably leave him now. She should leave him.

She didn't answer the first time so he waited an hour or so and tried again. He'd never had to wait more than ten minutes to hear back from her so after two hours ticked by with no return call, Phil assumed she was giving him the cold shoulder (and justifiably so).

Phil started in on the whiskey, based on the assumption that she wouldn't be returning his calls anytime soon. Unfortunately for Phil, Audrey did call back…much, much later, and by the time she did he'd finished off eight fingers of Lagavulin.

_Shit_ he thought as her Bach ringtone played loudly and the display name "Cellist" blinked garishly on his phone display.

_Shit I'm buzzed_ he mused as he contemplated answering her call in his current state. _No…no I'm drunk_ he confirmed internally as he closed his eyes and noted how the world seemed to spin. _Fuck it _…he thought with a "seize the day" mentality and he grabbed his phone and pressed "answer".

"Hey babe" he said nonchalantly. She was not so nonchalant in her reply.

She was angry. She was hurt because she understood that he couldn't always be there…

"….but there is no reason to screen my calls. That's just cruel Phil. I'm not some groupie. If you don't want this relationship then just be honest." Her voice was sad. It made him sad.

When he replied, he tried to keep the despair from his voice. He tried to remain aloof because the woman was a sucker for emotion. She'd pity him, even if he didn't deserve it…but dammit he'd had too much to drink so he was holding his breath in between words to keep his emotions from spilling over and she heard it and instead of leaving him she asked.

"Phil…are you crying?"

"No"

"Jesus babe, what's wrong?"

"Nothing" he replied more easily now. There was silence.

"Phil I am not going to break up with you over the phone. If you want to do it then you are going to have to come down here and face me like a man."

"Good because I don't want you to break up with me" he winced as he spoke because even through the haze of his buzz he knew he sounded like a pouty, teenager. He fell against the corner of the room and slid down against the wall with the phone still in his hand and tried to hold back the tears.

"Yes you do…what's going on?" her voice was concerned now. He sighed and then he pulled the phone away from his face and tried to control his breathing in an effort keep from sobbing. He could hear her calling to him through the distant ear piece. Was she just that good at reading him or was he really that transparent?

"Phil, tell me what's going on…Phil…" she pleaded and he finally put the receiver back up to his face.

"I'm not who you think I am…" he knew he must sound like a drunken mess but he didn't care.

"Okay" she didn't even pause "then who are you?"

"I'm not a good man Audrey. I don't care about other people the way you think I do…the way that you do. I hurt people. I make decisions that no one should have the power to make. I was never meant to be the guy…making these decisions."

"Listen to me Phil you are a good…."

"No!" he practically screamed "stop saying that. You don't even know me. If I could tell you everything you'd despise me. You deserve to know that."

"No I wouldn't." she said without pause

"How do you know that?"

"Because…I do know you; or at least I know the man who eats all the crackers and cured meats in my fridge and tries to hide the fact that he's watched all the Supernanny recordings on my DVR while I was at work." He winces because he really thought he'd manage to watch those on the sly.

"You forgot to restart them at the beginning Phil. You don't exactly have to be a trained investigator to figure out what's happened when all the episodes start at the end." _and apparently she's a mind reader now_ he muses.

"Don't worry Phil I won't tell anyone about your affinity for crap television." She snickers "it's not like I found porn."

"Ha" he laughs loudly "I could maintain my reputation if it were porn, but anything on daytime TV and my career is over."

"Well you secret is safe with me."

"Thanks" he says softly and there is a comfortable silence before she refocuses the conversation.

"The point is, I may not know everything you've done but I do know you. I know you aren't playing some role with me. You can't keep up an act for that long without reason and there's just no reason to play me; so I assume the man I know is Phil Coulson, and that man tries to do the right thing, and I love that man." There was silence for what seemed like hours.

"What if I told you I'd done something horrible?" his tone edged on pathetic and Audrey might have told him so with a laugh if Phil didn't appear to be having a drunken melt down on the other end of the line.

"Then I would love someone who did something horrible" she sighed "but I would still love you."

"What if I were Hitler" Phil said and she couldn't help but laugh at that.

"No Phil" she said with a roll of her eyes that she wished he could see "You're right; I wouldn't love you if you were Hitler"

"Well there…"

"Phil" she interrupted, her tone full of exasperation "You being an idiot. You're not Hitler and tomorrow you are going to sober up and realize how ridiculous you sound."

"You don't know that I'm not…"

"Phil" she said sternly "You are not Hitler Okay…you're just not. You're right, I wouldn't love you if you were Adolf frigging Hitler and I don't know what you did…but I know you didn't kill six million Jews."

"I…." he tried to get a word in edgewise but was cut off again.

"Phil did you kill six million Jews?" and there was a long pause at the other end before she finally got an answer.

"Well" a confused pause "no… but how do you know…."

"I know because I'm not a fool Phil" she was angry now. Her voice was stern and bordered on yelling "I know I'm just a musician, but I know enough of this world to understand that the right thing to do is not always obvious and good people sometimes do horrible things. I know that you keep the company of politicians, assassins and super heroes and that just isn't an unambiguous enough world for you not to have made some mistakes." She paused and collected herself and lowered her voice

"I'm not saying that what you've done is okay Phil." Her voice was soft now "I'm not saying that I wouldn't be appalled if you could tell me the story. I'm not even saying that the knowledge of what you've done wouldn't change my opinion of you." She could still hear his low, heavy breaths on the other end of the receiver "but I do know you Phil…and you are a man who tries to do good and could only move so far over that line before you pulled yourself back." She finished and he smiled. He had to suppress the urge to cry again but instead he just laughed in a way that was somehow watery and ridiculous. He didn't deserve her.

"So answer this question Phil"

"Okay" he replied

"Have you ever targeted an entire race or ethnic group for extinction?" Phil laughed out loud at the question.

"No" he answered softly, with a smile on his lips.

"Okay" she replied "then we're good."

"Good"

"Okay"

"I love you too you know" he says because apparently this is something they are acknowledging out loud now.

"I know" she replied

"Can I move in with you?" and the moment it came tumbling out, his eyes grew wide and he slapped his hand over his mouth. He had just blurted it out and now as he listens to what he can only imagine is stunned silence he wishes he could take it back.

"Audrey I'm sorry" he quickly added "I didn't mean it. Look I'm sorry." He stuttered.

"How are you going to live with me and work for SHIELD" she ignores his stammering

"I quit" he answers sadly. He is met with more silence and he can imagine how it must sound to come groveling to her, looking for a place to say after he no longer has SHIELD to occupy his time. It must look like she was his second choice. He supposes in many ways, she was.

"Look I'm sorry" he breaks the silence "I didn't mean to pressure you and I know how it must sound..."

"Yes" she says before he can finish.

"Excuse me?" He replies with a touch of incredulity.

"I said yes Phil" he could hear the smile in her voice. "I'd love for you to be the jobless mope on my couch." She laughs.

"Phil" she broke in "I would never ask you to leave SHIELD but I'm glad I get to have you to myself. I'm not hesitant…just surprised…but happy."

"Okay" he said

"Okay" she replied and there was kind of a nervous joy in both their voices.

"I'll call you tomorrow then" he started "and if you don't want this then that's no big deal okay?"

"Okay, but I will still want it tomorrow."

"Okay" he said "I love you" he added, trying to make it sound like he'd been saying it all his life.

"I love you too" she smiled

"Bye"

"Bye…."


	17. Chapter 17

As Phil approaches Fury's office, the large oak doors seem almost welcoming for the first time since he'd joined SHIELD. It had only been three days since his resignation but Phil was already starting to feel like a civilian.

It was like he was 17 again.

On his last day of High school, Phil had marched into his first period history class and called his teacher a "racist, cum sack". Phil was leaving for the Army and the frumpy old bastard couldn't do a damn thing about it. Also… his History teacher was a "racist, cum-sack" and it needed to be said.

Most of the kids in the class laughed or cheered. What Phil remembered the most was the look of confusion on Devon Gray's face.

Devon sat two rows back from Phil. He was the only black kid in the class. Every time Mr Drummand slipped some (not so) subtle racism into one of his morning lectures, it made Phil wince. He would think of Devon sitting just two rows back and Phil wondered if Devon felt alone.

Amidst the students laughter, Devon just quirked his eyebrows and stared quizzically at the reaction of his classmates as if he couldn't begin to imagine that the white kids had noticed the insults the entire time. Phil hoped Devon felt a little less alone after that. He felt like a coward for having waited until there were no consequences to his remarks.

He felt now as he had on the day when he threw open the doors to his first period history class for the last time. Phil Coulson just didn't give a shit. It was freeing. He was starting again.

It's not that he felt aggrieved. On the contrary, he loved Fury…he always would. Phil had learned from Devon Gray. He spoke his mind when it was a moral imperative and kept his mouth shut when it wasn't. It was his infrequent, tactful disagreement with Fury that ingratiated Phil to the old Cyclops in the first place. There was nothing left to say that hadn't been said…but for the first time in a long time, there was nothing Fury could say to him. No punishment he feared, no job to hold over his head. Phil had finally faced the reality of a life without SHIELD and found it….not so bad….exciting in fact. He can't hold back a smile as he struts past Moreno's desk and waves at the Directors nervous clerk.

"Sir" Moreno tries to stop him "Please let me…." He sputters as he sees Coulson approach

"It's alright Moreno…he's expecting me" Fury's aide stands in an effort to stop Phil's advance and protests as the older man moves towards the doors.

"Yes but I'm supposed to announce he has a visitor…." He sputters nervously "I'm really supposed to… Sir"

"No, It's cool Moreno, I promise" Phil really shouldn't screw with the kid. He was a competent aide and a good Agent but he found he couldn't help himself as he briskly pushes open the tall oak doors in spite of Moreno's hapless protests.

"Agent Coulson is here to see you Sir." Moreno attempts to announce his guest futilely over Phil's shoulder.

Fury stares at the pair of them from his seat at the desk. He sighs and shakes his head before he speaks.

"Thanks Moreno…I can see that."

"Yes Sir…I'm sorry Sir" Moreno shakes his head in frustration and closes the doors behind Coulson as he leaves. Phil struts the rest of the way to Fury's desk. Fury looks the younger man up and down and lets out an amused half laugh.

"Sit down Phil" he says "You're strutting like a frat boy" he sighs "I hate frat boys"

Phil smirks and sits.

"You're looking remarkably well for a man facing unemployment." Fury is still smirking as he speaks "I was hoping the last three days would make you reconsider you resignation, but I can see the passage of time has only reaffirmed your decision."

Phil's smile disappears and he looks at the table now. The mood shifts on a dime.

"Yes Sir" he says earnestly. He's going to miss this place. He's going to miss these people.

A long silence looms over them. Phil looks up again and finds Fury is staring at him unnervingly. Eventually his boss shakes his head approvingly as if he'd worked out something in his head.

"Okay" he says finally "I'm happy for you but, I need something from you."

"What?" he asks quizzically

"I need six more months"

"Six months" Phil blurts. Phil had expected Fury to request a few months to transition a new guy in, but even for an agent of his rank. "That seems…" Coulson's voice peters out as he struggles for the right word "abnormal…I mean I don't want to say excessive…but it seems longer than normal."

Fury sighs knowingly "Yes it is, but you aren't an average agent and these aren't average times."

"Oh come on" Phil scoffs "First of all, there are pleantly of Agents qualified to replace me, you just don't trust any of them because you are paranoid." Phil leans forward as he begins his second point "second there will always be another crisis. The job doesn't change."

"Your right I don't trust anyone and I am probably paranoid" Fury agreed easily "but you're wrong about the current crisis Phil. These are not normal times and you know it" Fury paused "whatever you found in New Mexico…it's beyond the level of strange we are accustomed to dealing with. It's something…powerful." he stared at his subordinate intensely "This is the worst possible time to lose one of my top Agents. You are the most qualified to manage and monitor the tesseract. I need you to see this through and then train a replacement." Fury monitors Coulson's face for signs of disagreement and when he finds none he continues "The way I see it that will take at least six months"

Phil sighs deeply. Fury was right. Things were …freakier than normal, freakier than he'd ever seen them and there was something in the air. He had felt it the moment he'd seen the hammer; the feeling that something bigger that all of them was on the horizon.

"Okay" he agreed, seeing Fury's logic. Fury's shoulders slumped in an uncharacteristic show of relief.

"Okay" Fury nodded "I need you to take over PEGASUS" he picked up a file from his desk and handed it to Phil "everything you need is in here. Any additional security personnel you'll need are yours. I've sent Barton ahead of you. He'll be there to debrief you when you arrive. You'll need Sitwell"

Phil shifted uncomfortably at the mention of his old trainee. Jasper's initial therapy had gone well but somewhere in the last few weeks his subordinate had become withdrawn and awkward.

Dr. Goodman had given him a personality test which showed a complete reversal from personality tests Sitwell had taken when he applied to SHIELD 13 years ago. The same test had been given to all the other TAHITI patients. Goodman was shocked at how little their personalities had shifted given that their memories had been wiped out. Sitwell had most of his memories preserved and yet there was a complete reversal in his disposition. It had puzzled Dr. Goodman but had been utterly unsurprising to Phil who had mentored Sitwell for years and could see how much his friend had changed. Talking to Sitwell now was not only a painful reminder of the friend he had apparently lost but a reminder of the part he had played in his metamorphosis. His hesitance must have shown because Fury promptly addressed the look of unease.

"I know you are uncomfortable with him Phil but I need to know what level of responsibility I can assign to him. Before TAHITI he was one of the first guys we might have named as a replacement for you…"

"I understand" Phil answered promptly. He knew it was true. Sitwell may not be his "bestie" any more but he was still an Agent of SHIELD. Whoever Sitwell was now, he deserved the same opportunities as any other Agent…and the Director of SHIELD deserved to know his Agent's level of competence. He may not be comfortable with Sitwell but he still had to work with him

"Will Romanov join us?" Phil changed the subject.

"No" Fury shook his head. Natasha is behind the Iron Curtain dealing with some of the guys involved in Sitwell's poisoning but I'll send her out your way once she is done.

Phil nodded in understanding "When do I leave?"

"Tonight" Fury stated curtly "Let Sitwell know. The two of you should head out together."

"Very well" Phil sighed and shook his head.

_It's going to be a long uncomfortable ride to PEGASUS_ thought Phil


End file.
